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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360406">Identity Crisis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyscitea/pseuds/enbyscitea'>enbyscitea</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: Legend of Korra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(sex isn't until post canon), Asami is so kind and good while Korra is finding themself, Coming Out, Coming Out Angst, F/F, Growing Up, Korra and Asami are endgame, Korra has different trauma here than other places..., Korra's pronouns switch half way through hope it makes sense, Nonbinary Character, Soft sex, Talking About Gender, finding yourself on accident, nonbinary korra, they them pronouns, trying to figure out how cis people know their gender was a wild ride for me as an author...</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:15:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360406</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyscitea/pseuds/enbyscitea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>How confusing would it be to be nonbinary AND the avatar? All those other spirits and your body feels wrong and no one else has a clue what it's like to be the avatar?</p><p>This is the exploration of that with Korra at the center. Major plot points are canon from the show - to the best of my ability, but the focus is on what's going on in Korra's head around their gender from the time they're four until after the show ends. (It's also the first fic I'm publishing so be gentle with me!)<br/>(Comment moderation is on - only to prevent transphobia, I want to be transparent about that)<br/>(Minor formatting, typo correction, and chapter summary editing done on 3/15/21)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Korra/Asami Sato, Korra/Mako (Avatar), Mako/Asami Sato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Before Republic City</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Age 4</p><p>Korra stood alone in the bathroom. She should be able to do this. She knew there was a way for her to pee standing up. There had to be.</p><p>She closed her eyes with frustration and stood on the verge of tears. She just couldn’t figure it out. But it had to be there.</p><p>Finally she sat down in frustration and used the toilet how her parents had taught her to. But in her heart she just felt like she should be able to do it differently.</p><p>She exhaled a puff of smoke in frustration and it lit up the room. She hopped off the toilet forgetting both to flush and to wash her hands.</p><p>Korra ran into her mom’s room and, holding on to her frustration at her body being not quite right, exhaled a fiery cloud.</p><p>“Tonraq- I think it’s time to call the White Lotus,” Senna called matter of factly through their large home.</p><p>Age 6</p><p>Korra was alone all the time. Other kids went to school or did tutoring or training in groups. She knew because she saw them running through the snow together. Holding books under their arms. Throwing snowballs. But that wasn’t the life she was living.</p><p>Korra was excited to be the avatar. She thought it meant she was a superhero. But after two years it started to mean loneliness. No one was actually asking her to save anything. She just sat with Katara who tried to pass on traditional Southern Water bending forms.</p><p>Korra felt her arms get heavy when she was water bending. It was slow, like dancing, like tai chi. All about focus and pointed movements. At 6 Korra felt uncomfortable and lonely all the time. Every other exhale came out in fire and her hands clenched around icicles she didn’t remember summoning.</p><p>Katara was always putting a hand on her shoulder telling her not to be afraid.</p><p>But Korra didn’t feel afraid. She felt the wrong shape. Like she was ready to be taller. Or smaller. Or stretched differently.</p><p>Finally after a day of practice that ended with Korra face down in a snowbank kicking her feet so hard that large rocks kept leaping from the snow, Katara brought her to her home for tea.</p><p>“Tell me what is going on, little one,” Katara said once she had placed a mug of medium temperature herbal tea before Korra.</p><p>Korra sniffed the tea, a question mark clear on her face. “What is this?” she asked, still confused about why Katara was doing any of this.</p><p>“It’s tea. Made from soaking leaves of plants in hot water. An old friend of mine had a tea for every occasion. And I spent enough time in Ba Sing Sei in his tea shop as a young woman that some habits came home with me,” Katara said with a smile. Katara gave her own tea a slight stir with bending as she absently spun her finger.</p><p>Korra contemplated the tea and then copied Katara. She stirred it with a smooth motion of her finger, watching the ripples move seemingly of their own volition. Finally she took a sip. To Korra the tea didn’t really taste like much. But she stared expectantly at Katara as though waiting for something to happen.</p><p>Katara sighed and asked her first question, again, “What is going on, Korra?”</p><p>Korra knit her eyebrows together, both hands clasped around her tea cup. She surveyed the room and began answering the question as though it was a white lotus test of her observational skills.</p><p>Katara cut her off. “Korra, no. I mean what is going on with you. You seem so angry recently and I want to understand why.”</p><p>Korra shrugged and stared into her tea.</p><p>“I think you do know, but I will not push you. Instead I will tell you the story of the angriest person I ever knew who turned out to be one of my best friends. Once he learned to feel the feelings that were making him angry,” Katara said.</p><p>When Katara finished her story Korra looked at her with wide eyes and said “Firelord Zuko tried to kill Avatar Aang?”</p><p>Katara groaned and set her head down softly on the table. “That was not meant to be the moral of the story,” she said.</p><p>Korra tilted her head, “But he tried that when he was angry and hurt. And when he felt better about himself they were able to be friends.” She felt an odd thrum in her chest when she said this, like she knew it to be true even though she was asking Katara a question.</p><p>Katara lifted her head from the table and locked eyes with Korra. “Yes, lots of people do things they regret when they are following their anger instead of their other feelings. So I want to ask you again, Korra, what are you angry about?”</p><p>Korra scrunched up her face trying to find words to explain herself.</p><p>“Take your time,” Katara told her as she sipped her own tea.</p><p>Korra sat for a moment that stretched on. She tapped her feet and drank her tea and thought and thought. But she didn’t know why she was angry. She just knew she felt it in her core. Everything felt a little bit off. She felt a little bit off.</p><p>Finally Korra opened her mouth to speak. “I feel wrong Master Katara.”</p><p>“Just Katara is fine Korra.”</p><p>“I feel wrong, Katara. It’s like when I try to learn new ways to bend. Or the right ways to bend my body doesn’t act how I expect it to. When I think about it I’m all wrong. It’s like there’s a different shaped person inside of me and they can’t figure out how to use my body to do what I need to do. And it makes me. So. Angry,” Korra said in a rush.</p><p>Katara sighed, “Has the white lotus ever told you about reincarnation or past lives, little one?”</p><p>Korra shook her head no, despite the fact that both words sounded familiar. She wanted to hear this from Katara.</p><p>Katara began, “The Avatar is the bridge between worlds - the spirit world and the physical world. They can move between the two planes and work to keep balance in both places and between them. To do this the first Avatar fused with a powerful, light spirit. And she lives in you, right there,” Katara said, and she pointed to Korra’s heart.</p><p>Korra looked down and concentrated. If she really focused she thought she could see a slight glow through her furs. Like a shield attached firmly to her chest.</p><p>Katara continued, “This light spirit leaves the avatar when they die and goes to find another person strong enough, good enough, and motivated enough to be the next avatar. So when Avatar Aang died this spirit found and chose you to be next. The spirit gives you your connection to all four elements, while all the other benders have only one elemental connection.”</p><p>Korra nodded, she had heard all this before, but she hung onto Katara’s every word anyway. She liked to hear about how powerful she was, and how she was special, one of a kind. Surprisingly enough it made her feel less wrong, it made her feel like she was different for a reason and that took the edge off of the biting anger that was always burning in her core.</p><p>Katara kept going “The spirit you are connected with also has the memories and experiences of all the past avatars. So you can call on them when you need to. You can meditate and talk to them on purpose, they can also come speak to you when they think you need it. They all channel their power through the spirit and to you when you are in greatest danger. We call this the avatar state.”</p><p>Korra nodded and then asked softly, “Some of the old avatars are boys?”</p><p>Katara tilted her head, surprised by the question, but she didn’t let the surprise reach her eyes, which Korra had locked onto. Finally Katara nodded, “Yes. Avatar Aang and Roku, the two avatars before you were both boys. But girls have been the avatar too. There were Kyoshi and Yangchen before them.”</p><p>Korra nodded and then asked, “Are the boys unhappy that I’m a girl?”</p><p>Katara shook her head immediately, “No little one, the avatar spirit doesn’t make mistakes and the past avatars know that you are exactly who you’re supposed to be.”</p><p>Katara sensed she had made a mistake when Korra began to pout. But Korra took a long deep breath and returned her steely blue gaze back to Katara. “Tell me about Avatar Aang,” she said finally.</p><p>And Katara smiled, her eyes crinkled and she launched into as many stories as she could remember from her childhood. She told Korra all about the defeat of the fire lord, about who Aang grew to be, the founding of Republic City, she even told Korra about all the bad beards Aang had tried to grow before he found one that worked for him.</p><p>“And he only had hair once? When he was 12?” Korra asked interestedly.</p><p>Katara nodded, “He was an air nomad and that was traditional for him. He liked to be able to feel air currents on his scalp. Maybe when you train in air bending you’ll want to shave your head too.”</p><p>Korra considered this and then said, “No. I like my hair. My dad does it for me. He does it like his. But for a kid.”</p><p>Katara nodded, “And that’s fine too. Roku had long hair, and a beard like a wizard. And he didn’t cut his hair off when he trained with the air nomads. Aang told me that Roku looked very out of place with long hair and beard among all the clean shaven monks.”</p><p>“Aang saw Roku? How?” Korra asked leaning forward.</p><p>“Aang had many visions, and Roku guided him a lot. I don’t know if you will have the same connection with Aang since Roku felt quite responsible for the 100 year war. And I believe Aang was at peace with the state of the world when he died,” Katara said.</p><p>“I want to learn to talk to them,” Korra announced.</p><p>“That will take a lot of meditation and practice. Do you have the patience?” Katara asked.</p><p>“I can be patient,” Korra said, stomping her foot and causing Katara’s whole home to shake.</p><p>Katara laughed and walked toward the kitchen once again, “Heavens Aang, had to find the feisty water bender huh?” She murmured as she left the room.</p><p>Korra felt a warmth settle in her chest, like a puppy was curled up there breathing contentedly. Korra felt, with absolute certainty that she would be able to talk to her past lives. And then maybe, finally she wouldn’t feel so alone.</p><p>Age 10</p><p>Korra was working on meditating. She really was. It just didn’t come easy for her. She wanted so badly to talk to the past avatars to understand why she was being hidden away, why she had no friends, no one her own age to spend time with and no living equals. Only the other avatars could possibly understand.</p><p>But Korra never got through to them. She got feelings, whispers, gut inclinations, but she never had a conversation like Katara described Aang having. And Korra was getting jealous and impatient.</p><p>She tried to meditate, eyes closed, hands clasped, and legs folded. But there was always something. Naga leaping into her lap, her mom saying it was time for dinner, her dad at the door sneakily water bending at her. And she wanted her life to be meaningful enough. She wanted to be enough.</p><p>Finally, the dreams started. At first she didn’t notice that they were different. She was just dreaming about running around playing with different animals. It all seemed like it was still her. But finally she looked in a pond across from a herd of flying bison and found wide brown eyes and a shaved head looking at her.</p><p>“Korra,” the child's reflection said.</p><p>“Aang?” she asked.</p><p>He smiled, and laughed, and lifted himself out of the water to be a fully formed person. Korra felt herself grow temporarily heavier as she sunk back into her usual form.</p><p>Aang extended a hand to her and said, “C’mon, I’ll teach you how to catch a sky bison.”</p><p>Korra took his hand, noting that her skin had returned to dark brown, and feet thunked with every step while Aang seemed to bounce without ever touching the ground.</p><p>This child version of Aang had no tattoos, wasn’t a master, and just wanted to play with Korra. Sometimes there was bending in her dreams, but only the kinds she could do in real life. And Aang always seemed so excited to see her, that Korra felt fulfilled. Like finally having a friend.</p><p>Months after Korra had started dreaming about Aang she finally asked him a real question. They sat at the edge of the pond where she had first seen him in the reflection and said, “When are we?”</p><p>Aang tilted his head, his light brown eyes squinting as he considered. He shrugged and said “Want to make a fruit pie? I can show you how monk Gyatso does it.”</p><p>Korra nodded and followed behind him but he went too fast on his air scooter and soon Korra was in a part of the monastery she and Aang had never been to together. She walked into a large open room and called “Hello?”</p><p>She was greeted by a small chittering and a lowing noise. She looked for the source of the sound and quickly spotted a lemur eating a pile of fruit atop a sky bison outfitted in a leather and gold saddle. They were both looking at a man. The man had his air bender tattoos and sat with his legs crossed and the fist of one hand pressed into the other. A dark brown beard clung to his sharp jaw. And his strong arms and chest were exposed under a loose tunic.</p><p>Korra knew as soon as she saw the man that it was her. She felt in her very core that this was who she was. She flexed her small arms and tried to get her chest to sit like his. She sat across from him and mirrored his posture, as soon as she did his tattoos began to glow softly.</p><p>He opened his eyes and looked straight at her. “Hello Korra.”</p><p>“Aang?” she said again, her voice full of disbelief that the child she was friends with could grow up to be this.</p><p>The man nodded. “You asked a version of myself when you are. I can offer some clarity.”</p><p>Korra blinked slowly at him.</p><p>He took her silence as a yes and pressed on. “We are whenever you need us to be. You meet with my younger self as the friend you need and crave and do not have. You play together in the monastery I grew up in and as I remember it about 200 years ago.”</p><p>“But now we sit, in the same monastery, as I remember it from my adulthood. In the days after the war but before I was a father. This is the version of me that you seek now, one with wisdom but not so much that I become intimidating,” Aang chuckled, “though I would argue I am never intimidating, in any form. So now we sit in the monastery of 50 or so years ago. And you can ask me whatever is on your mind, young avatar.”</p><p>Korra stared at Aang. He looked so different from her own father, he was taller, and leaner. The same width at his shoulders and his hips. And he was so casual, none of the bravado that her father brought to all of their activities together.</p><p>Finally Korra asked the thing that was always on her mind, “Did you like being the avatar?”</p><p>Adult Aang doubled over with laughter at this and Korra frowned, feeling on the verge of tears.</p><p>Aang saw this and immediately struggled to right himself, “No Korra. I did not like being the avatar. I disliked it so much that I ran away, and got stuck frozen in an iceberg for 100 years. It would have been longer if master Katara and her brother hadn’t found me.”</p><p>Korra hung her head, “Did any of the other Avatars like it?”</p><p>“Why don’t you ask them?” Aang said and he led Korra to a new room in the monastery, one with statues of all of her past lives. “They are all a part of you, just as I am. It was just my boyhood spirit who felt your most desperate call to dreams. Now that we are speaking I would like to introduce you to the rest,” Aang said.</p><p>Korra spent night after night in the room of statues dreaming of her past lives. Adult Aang introduced her to hundreds of avatars. She spent the bulk of her time with the most recent avatars. Korra came to love sleeping, she spent her days working on bending and spent her sleeping hours meeting with her past lives. She finally started to feel like she was a part of something.</p><p>And in the daylight her training finally started to pick up. She felt herself getting muscles and losing all left over baby fat. She flexed her arms in the mirror and felt satisfied. Maybe she would grow up right after all.<br/>Age 11</p><p>“Korra, we need to talk about some growing up stuff,” Senna said one day after dinner.</p><p>Korra groaned.</p><p>“You’re getting to an age where your body is going to go through changes.”</p><p>Korra looked down. She considered, her body was changing, her muscles were filling in. Her face was losing its baby fat. She flexed.</p><p>Her mom laughed. “Not that kind of change honey. It’s time to talk about what happens when you start to become a woman.”</p><p>Korra burst into tears and ran. She didn’t know why. But she also knew she didn’t want to know. She grabbed a fur coat, grabbed Naga and ran. It was dark, but she could fire bend. She wasn’t the helpless child who had discovered Naga years ago. Anything to never have that conversation with her mom.</p><p>********</p><p>Korra avoided being alone with her mom for months. She sought out young Aang in her dreams and they played games of Aang’s creation.</p><p>Korra threw herself into her training. Feeling like if she tried hard enough she could make all of the changes in her be muscles.</p><p>Finally her dad took her hunting and sat her down in their tent. “You can’t avoid your mom forever you know,” he said lightly.</p><p>“But I want to grow up to be you,” Korra said simply.</p><p>“You will. You’ll be chief someday. If your avatar duties allow it. And you can have children of your own and you and your husband can pass on the chiefdom to them when you’re ready.” Tonraq said.</p><p>Korra’s eyes filled with tears. As she had found them doing much too often in recent days. She couldn’t see herself in her father’s imagined future and she didn’t know why.</p><p>“Baby, it’s okay!” Tonraq said, awkward at the show of emotions, he reached out for Korra and pulled her to his chest where she snuggled in still crying but feeling much more like the child she still was instead of the teenager she was on the verge of being. “Women are powerful, so strong, and so amazing. You can be anything you want to be. And do anything you want to do. Your future is your own to determine.”</p><p>Korra continued crying softly, willing herself to stop. The word woman spiraling haphazardly through her brain.</p><p>*********</p><p>Korra fell asleep one night, hoping for dreamless sleep and instead found herself sitting on a couch cross legged looking at Kyoshi. She almost didn’t recognize Kyoshi at first, she wasn’t wearing makeup and she was barefoot. She seemed younger than she usually was when Korra spoke with her and Aang in the monastery.</p><p>“Korra, I think we need to talk,” Kyoshi said matter of factly.</p><p>Korra groaned and leaned her head over the arm of the couch. “Is this about the talk? The one about becoming a woman? The one that everyone is trying to give me even though no one is asking what I want?”</p><p>Kyoshi nodded once Korra had returned her head to an upright position. “The very one. Because no matter what you want things are going to start to happen to you and it will be much less bad if you know what’s coming.”</p><p>Korra groaned. This was bad. Even coming for Kyoshi. And if the past lives were in on it then that meant they all were. It meant that she couldn’t pause time and hold herself in the childlike limbo that she so desperately craved.</p><p>“First, do you want to tell me why you hate this so much?” Kyoshi asked.</p><p>“Because it’s all wrong. I do school stuff. I read. I know what happens to girls’ bodies. And how they start to want boys. And how they can have babies. But that’s not what I want. It’s not what’s supposed to happen to me. What’s the point of being the avatar if I have to deal with all this? And it’s still happening wrong?” Korra yelled.</p><p>Kyoshi shot a knowing look up at someone Korra couldn’t see who may or not have been there. “Korra. Not all of those things have to happen. Some of them are choices, some predetermined. But some are expectations and reality can be different.”</p><p>Korra felt her heart lighten slightly at Kyoshi’s words.</p><p>“Your body will change, no one can stop that. You will develop breasts and have a period. That just is. But you say you’ve read about that so I don’t think I need to bore you with those details. But after that there are choices. You can dress how you want to. You can hide or accentuate or accent the way your body ends up. You can choose who you end up with - a man, a woman or no one. And you don’t have to have children if you don’t want to. Nothing about your future is certain.”</p><p>Korra took this in and then said, “But my body isn’t supposed to do that.”</p><p>Kyoshi tilted her head, “How do you know?”</p><p>Korra frowned, “I just do. I can feel it. Here.” She pointed to her heart and Kyoshi nodded.</p><p>Kyoshi nodded. “Change is hard,” she agreed.</p><p>“But why do I feel wrong, Kyoshi?” Korra finally asked several moments of silence.</p><p>“I don’t know Korra, none of us do. I have my suspicions. But they are just that - suspicions. And I do not wish to put them on you before you are able to realize your own truth. I don’t want to make you someone you are not before your time.” Kyoshi said.</p><p>Korra frowned. “It’s not because all of you live inside me?”</p><p>Kyoshi shook her head, “It is not that. We’ve talked and none of the rest of us felt this. All of us are content with you, we like and love you from the past and into the future. No matter who you are. We are in you, we are a part of you. But you are still an individual.”</p><p>“Wow. Great. I would like to wake up now,” Korra said.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra pretended her body wasn’t changing. She hid her new chest from her parents. Stealing much too large clothes from her father’s dresser and wearing them.</p><p>She considered her armpit and leg hair when she showered. And then she wore clothes so no one could see it was happening.</p><p>She ate as much meat as her parents would allow and did push ups until she felt like she might pass out. She was trying to muscle her way into her final form. There had to be a way. She refused to speak to her past lives. This was their fault. It had to be. What other reason was there for the way she envied the Avatar Aang at 25 looked? It had to be his fault.</p><p>Age 12</p><p>Korra stood staring into a mirror. Her mom had gifted her a bra. She hated it. She put it on. She had a waist and chest. And a six pack. She focused on her abs. She put on a loose shirt and lay dejectedly on her bed.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra was getting good at bending. Her fire bending was nearly as strong as her water now. Katara watched her with pride in her eyes. Korra bit her lips as she concentrated on the earth, centered herself and felt the vibrations. She had so many teachers now, in so many things. She found herself surrounded by adults, but as she continued to ignore her past lives she began to feel more and more alone.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra’s dad left a sports bra on her bed one day. She found that with that she could wear her old clothes again. She exhaled a sigh of relief. She studied herself in the mirror. She raised an eyebrow and flexed. Lifting her shirt just enough to see her abs and ignore her chest.</p><p>What would it be like for someone else to see her? She was impressive, strong, but was she pretty? Would a boy think she was pretty? Her stomach curled at the thought and she dropped her shirt. She retreated to her room, the sound of Kyoshi chuckling ringing in her ears.</p><p>Age 13</p><p>Korra kept ignoring her past lives. When they came to her in dreams she refused to talk to them or yelled until they went away. It hurt the most when it was young Aang who came to see her. He was aged to match her, and he had both his arrows, and a large scar on his back that he tried to show her. He was more mature and still the same kid who had been her friend. She opened her eyes into so many places that he was - Ba Sing Sei, Omashu, the Fire Nation Capital, the Tea Shop Katara had told her about all those years ago.</p><p>But she refused to speak. As soon as she saw his eager face she closed her eyes and yelled until he went away. She was tired. She was always tired.</p><p>******</p><p>Senna put pads under Korra’s sink. She knew Korra didn’t want to talk about it. And Korra was grateful they were there when she found her underwear bloodied one day after training.</p><p>She felt numb about it all. She was growing up. And she didn’t want to be.</p><p>She prayed to the spirits, to anything other than her past lives, that she wouldn’t get older. That she wouldn’t have another period. She told the spirits she didn’t care how. And she knew she was alluding to dying and she didn’t care. If that was what it took to end it all, so be it.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra took Naga on a ride, deep into the heart of the South Pole. She wanted to be alone and her father had, shockingly, okayed the excursion. Saying that as a 13 year old she was some kind of grown up. If he said woman she chose not to hear it.</p><p>Naga was content to cuddle in the snow with Korra once they were well away from everything else. Korra leaned on Naga and sighed. She decided it was time, she would talk to her past lives and tell them once and for all to fuck off. She smiled before she began meditating. She had learned the word “Fuck” from a young member of the white lotus. She liked the way it sounded when he had gasped it as she beat him in a earth bending sparring match. She liked the way it felt to utter it in rage.</p><p>Korra had never had much luck with intentional meditation, but she was a woman now so who knew what she could do. She sat against Naga, and assumed the position that she often saw Aang seated in when she first awoke into a dream.</p><p>After several long minutes, or perhaps hours, the sound of Naga’s breathing faded and Korra felt ready to open her eyes. She found herself face to face with a boy about her age. He had long dark hair, that he wore partially down, with a small bun atop his head. He wore a red vest with a plunging v-neck and had small red arm bands around his biceps. He was slight like Aang but had a whisper of a smile in his eyes. Even young Aang always had a whisper of fear in his eyes. He looked like he was about to flee and this boy had none of that about him.</p><p>“Roku?” Korra asked, pulling the name from deep within herself. She had of course met the fire bender years ago but he had always appeared older, grey haired and with a beard. She felt him to be her grandfather past life. Not an equal. Yet here he stood. Looking nothing like what she had expected.</p><p>He inclined his head and held his hands in a formal greeting posture.</p><p>“Why you?” she asked. Korra had expected Kyoshi or Aang. The avatars she dealt with most often and the ones who had given her the cryptic advice that made her want to break out the F word.</p><p>“Because I know you,” Roku said simply.</p><p>“Okay...” Korra said, knowing Roku would continue. She wandered through the Fire Nation Courtyard looking at the flowers and pine trees. She stopped to look up at the volcano in the distance.</p><p>“Walk with me,” young Roku said, coming up beside Korra and gesturing to a path out of the garden and through the city. There was no one else around, so Korra obliged, falling easily into step beside him.</p><p>“You hate us,” Roku said finally as they walked past an empty market.</p><p>Korra opened her mouth but Roku silenced her with a look.</p><p>“We deserve it. We have left you a world that is better than we found it and yet still in pieces. We have added our spirits to a spirit already conflicted. We have only served to further complicate what is certain to be a long and complicated path of self discovery for you. But we cannot undo it. We are stuck together, always and forever. Once you pass from this life to the next you will join us, and your wisdom will be passed on to your successor and over time your memory, your spirit, your ideas will begin to fade as the living avatar calls more and more on the recent avatars. It is the way of things,” Roku said.</p><p>“You don’t sound 13,” Korra said.</p><p>“I’m not 13. I’m dead,” Roku said. “We appear to you as what you need. Aang explained this in the beginning did he not?”</p><p>Korra sighed and nodded.</p><p>Roku continued, “All Avatars face a great duality; a challenge between what they find within themselves and outside of themselves. You are not different from the rest of us.”</p><p>“Then why is my body wrong?” Korra yelled for what felt like the thousandth time.</p><p>“That is a struggle for you alone,” Roku said. “I am here not to tell you who you are but to show you who you have been. You do not have to feel so alone. We have all struggled, we have all lost. And you can feel it all and grow from it all. And you will of course experience loss in your own right. You will also experience victory and love. Such is the burden of life. May I tell you my story?”</p><p>Korra sighed and nodded, resigned to the fact that none of her past lives were ever going to explain how they were screwing her over so she might as well play along.</p><p>Roku led Korra all over the fire nation city as he explained the issues he had faced as Avatar. His love for his friend, his love for his country and his gut feeling about what was right and just. He explained the discomfort he felt as he fought this internal war as he realized he had no one to confide in but his own past lives and that just meant talking to Kyoshi while she yelled at him to kill Sozin until he also told the past to leave him alone and let him be himself.</p><p>By the time he finished Korra felt that Roku may actually be trying to help her. That this was information that she could sift through later. It seemed that maybe she was in this with her past lives rather than against them.</p><p>Roku paused at a cliff overlooking a large expanse of water and beckoned to Korra to sit with him. “This is when you can tell us all to ‘Fuck off’ if you want to.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I want to anymore,” Korra said in a small voice.</p><p>“What do you want Korra?” Roku asked kindly.</p><p>“I want to know who I am.”</p><p>“You’re the avatar. We are all the avatar. More than that I cannot say,” Roku said simply and then he slid closer to Korra inviting her to lean on his shoulder as they surveyed the water before them. There was no pressure to say anything else, no pressure to be anything other than the avatar, and an understanding seemed to pass between them that who they were was a struggle. Korra breathed deeply as she had not breathed in years.</p><p>After many moments she finally said, “Thank you Roku” and opened her eyes back into her reality at the South Pole.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra got her period again. She never told her mom. But she also never ran out of pads.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra lay in bed one night thinking about what Kyoshi had told her almost 2 years ago. She could be with a woman. What did that even mean? How? None of her science textbooks covered that. Why would she want to be with a woman? They couldn’t have a baby. But she didn’t want a baby anyway. Was there more to sex and love and attraction than just procreation? Korra felt she would never know. She never spent time with anyone her own age. And she didn’t want anyone to see her without clothes. Ever.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra and her parents fought all the time. She didn’t know why but she never felt good enough, she always felt like a disappointment and she always felt like they were lying to her. Her mom kept saying she was growing into a beautiful woman. Her dad called her little lady when he started to get upset. And she just screamed. She screamed until she breathed fire, until the hurt she felt inside found a release as sulfuric, toxic flame, and everyone left her alone. </p><p>Age 14</p><p>Korra tried to stop eating when she was 14. Interested to see if she could get her chest to go flat without access to food. Instead she passed out during training one day and her father ordered that guards watch her more closely. Guards made sure she ate, made sure she kept it down. Korra gave up on starvation as a means of chest reduction.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra sat on her bed. She had told her parents she was studying but she was meditating. Today she knew exactly who we wanted to talk to.</p><p>Kyoshi appeared, impressive as always, fully decked out in warrior garb. “Yes Korra?” She said as she stood before the young avatar.</p><p>“Three years ago you said there are ways to hide breasts. Teach me,” Korra said.</p><p>Kyoshi nodded and lifted off her own clothing so she was standing before Korra in leggings and a sports bra. She waved a hand and something new appeared, it resembled a tank top but with a reinforced chest. “This is a binder,” Kyoshi said, “I can show you how to make your own if you do not wish to purchase one.”</p><p>Kyoshi proceeded to show Korra how to wiggle into the binder and showed her how her side profile changed. Korra was spellbound. “Why doesn’t everyone do this?” she asked.</p><p>“Not all women hate their breasts,” Kyoshi said.</p><p>“But some do?” Korra asked, confusion settling in on top of the excitement in her stomach.</p><p>“Oh yes, some do,” Kyoshi said, “And that’s okay. It doesn’t make them any less of women.”</p><p>Kyoshi disappeared as Korra opened her eyes feeling more confused than she had before but knowing she needed to get her hands on a binder.</p><p>******</p><p>Katara announced Korra a water bending master. To celebrate Korra looked within herself and found her old friend Aang. She attended the ceremony when he received his arrows at age 12. She apologized that they had grown apart but didn’t know how to bridge the gap. Aang at 12 seemed happy, he was excited to be a master, and then heart broken to be the avatar. But he quickly aged himself to match Korra grinning at 14, hand in hand with Katara. He had saved the world, already, and his life was falling into place. Korra was happy for him, but her heart broke for herself. She had accomplished nothing, she was nobody.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra was progressing quickly now. She was ready to be the Avatar. She was older than other avatars had been when they went into the world, she felt frustrated and lonelier than ever. Her past lives were introducing her to their friends now, or the memories of their friends that lived within her. Aang had his whole team, Roku had Sozin, Kyoshi had Rangi. And Korra had no one. Still.</p><p>She was certain that once she mastered all the elements she would have to be released. But councilman Tenzin, the only airbending master, and avatar Aang’s son didn’t have time to train her. And she felt discouraged that he may never have the time for her.</p><p>Age 15</p><p>Korra pulverized white lotus guards on the sparring mat. She pulverized everyone, even her own father. She trained until her muscles had muscles. She stood in the mirror often after a long day outside, she would wear her homemade binder, flex her arms under her tight blue bands, and lift her shirt to see her abs and the v of her hips. It was close. It was enough. She could let herself be happy. She had to try and let herself be happy.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra mastered Earth Bending. Aang repeatedly told her she needed to listen more. Saying she was the Boulder and she should be the Blind Bandit. But from where Korra stood, atop a pile of knocked out guards and masters, being the Boulder was just fine.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra had time to read a book for fun, in it the two main characters fell in love. She felt their feelings like warmth in her chest, but couldn’t project that feeling into her actual life. She spent time wondering what it would like to have a crush. She lay face down on her bed and wailed that she had never met anyone her own age. No one would ever want someone as socially behind as her. How could her parents have done this to her? “They want you to be safe,” Aang’s voice floated through her head.</p><p>“Oh fuck off,” Korra said aloud, her words muffled by the pillow.</p><p>Age 16</p><p>Korra began to spend a lot of time with Katara again. Her water and earth bending felt complete and her fire continued to burn bright fueled both by rage at her situation and desire to get out of it.</p><p>She asked Katara over and over again to tell her about Zuko. Asking what he had to be angry about and dissecting every choice he had made. Korra tried to figure out if she had any right to be as mad at herself as Zuko had been at her age. He had been publicly abused by his father, the firelord, and banished. She didn’t like the way her body looked.</p><p>She decided she had no reason to be this angry. She vowed to meditate more. To be at peace more. She vowed to be enough. To be the avatar. To find balance in her soul so she could balance the world. She put pressure after pressure upon herself, begging her spirit to find a way to be enough for the world.</p><p>******</p><p>A young adult Kyoshi frequented Korra’s meditations. Korra couldn’t explain why she was drawn to the woman who had lived centuries earlier. But there was something about her that grounded her. Kyoshi was so sure of who she was. In make-up. In a skirt. Plain faced. In pants. With a fan. With a rock. Kyoshi had a joke, a smile, and a suggestion of exactly who to kill to make a problem go away.</p><p>“Were you always so sure of yourself?” Korra asked Kyoshi one day as Kyoshi demonstrated different fan fighting techniques for Korra.</p><p>Kyoshi burst out laughing, “Heavens no, Korra.”</p><p>“How did you get to be?”</p><p>“I stopped caring who everyone else thought I was supposed to be and just did what made me happy,” Kyoshi said with a smile.</p><p>“So what did you do to be happy?” Korra asked.</p><p>Kyoshi flashed a wicked grin and then said, “Rangi.”</p><p>Korra blushed scarlet and Kyoshi burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she popped Aang, Roku, and Kuruk into existence.</p><p>Korra blinked at them, still showing scarlet on her dark cheeks. “Kyoshi!” Roku chastised, “Did you tell a sex joke?”</p><p>Kuruk rolled his eyes as tears ran down Kyoshi’s cheeks leaving her makeup intact. “Of course she did. Nothing else makes her laugh like this.”</p><p>Aang groaned, “Kyoshi. We talked about this! We were supposed to wait for Korra to have a crush, or ask a question! We were trying not to scare or overwhelm her!”</p><p>Kyoshi took a deep breath and steadied herself, “She did ask a question! She asked what I liked doing!”</p><p>“And you said Rangi,” Kuruk said with a chuckle. “You’ve always loved that joke.”</p><p>“It’s a good joke, okay?” Kyoshi said.</p><p>“Whatever,” Kuruk said.</p><p>Korra blinked as her past lives razzed each other. She felt like her brain was moving slower than all of theirs. She wasn’t shocked by any information she was receiving. She just didn’t know what to do with it. Aang was right. She hadn’t ever had a crush, she knew the mechanics of sex but with no one her own age in her life she had no concept of what it would mean to want to do that. She didn’t know if she would ever want to.</p><p>Aang turned to her, “You okay, Korra?”</p><p>Korra nodded. “I will be. I just don’t know. I don’t know how to be a person I guess. I think that’s the actual problem. I don’t know how to be a person.”</p><p>“I think you’re doing a fine job,” Aang said with a kind smile.</p><p>Korra returned the smile, unable to look at anyone but Aang. Kyoshi was trying to catch her eye, her eyebrows wiggling gleefully but Korra couldn’t turn her attention to her. She shook her head and waved as she opened her eyes back into her bedroom.</p><p>So. Kyoshi had sex with her best friend. That was new information. Korra felt the information take hold in her gut, unsure what to do with the new feeling of tightness, fear, and anticipation that was curling in her stomach.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra decided she wanted to have sex. Someday. To see what all the hype was about.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra trained and trained and trained. She wanted to prove herself. She wanted to be a fire bending master. She wanted to get off this godforsaken hunk of ice. She wanted to be a hero. She wanted to be anonymous. She wanted to meet people. Make a friend. Get laid. Maybe not in that order. But she felt ready to leave home. So, so ready but no one else could see how the South Pole was starting to smother her.</p><p>No one except Katara.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Book 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is where the fic picks up with canon - most canon plot isn't heavily featured - just described. Korra isn't having the great time they thought they would be though... (Some light internal angst throughout) (random hook ups are eluded to, but not described in detail - FYI)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Age 17</p><p>The white lotus declared Korra a master fire bender. They called Tenzin and he didn’t approve of her style. He couldn’t stay in the south. He didn’t want her to come north.</p><p>Korra felt let down, betrayed and like she was spiraling into the realization that she would never be good enough to leave. She was getting ready for bed when she heard a less familiar voice in her head. It was Yangchen, slow and confident, “You know. You are the avatar. You could just leave. Long before us avatars had to figure it out all on their own. You could return to that.”</p><p>Korra considered this and wrote a note of farewell to her parents. She packed, she said goodbye to Katara who hugged her tightly, but had no intention of making her stay and then she and Naga were off, stowed away on a ship headed for republic city.</p><p>******</p><p>The first person Korra spoke to who wasn’t assigned to guard her or a relative was a homeless man who wanted to eat fish with her in a public park. He seemed nice.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra got arrested. Quickly proving to herself that she wasn’t good enough to be anywhere. And that there was a reason she had been hidden away. The world had changed and none of her past lives could help her now.</p><p>She was released from police custody, by a cranky old woman with grey hair to Tenzin. Who was a spitting image of Aang. Korra didn’t know what to do with the feeling that her best childhood friend was before her and that the body she grew up thinking she was meant to have was walking around just belonging to somebody else.</p><p>******</p><p>Aang asked Korra if she was checking out his son.</p><p>And she had to tell him “Ew. No.” And then try to find words for the way that Tenzin’s body was what she wanted for herself. But also not exactly. Not anymore. She had come to like some things about herself, her dark skin, her toned arms. Her piercing eyes. Her water tribe hair which at some point in childhood her cousin had called out as boy’s hair. She wanted to be herself. But with a sprinkle of how Tenzin looked. But Aang didn’t get it.</p><p>******</p><p>Jinora and Ikki hung on Korra like the much older sister they never had. Korra loved them for it. Sister was the first word that made her feel at peace with being a girl.</p><p>******</p><p>As the political climate in Republic City got dicier and dicier Aang stopped offering friendship and began offering historical perspective. Korra sighed. Maybe she had been wrong, maybe she hadn’t been ready for a job as the avatar.</p><p>She thought about Yangchen’s advice, that she could just learn by doing and she threw herself back onto the streets of republic city. She crashed into a pro-bending tournament and onto a team. She crashed into friends and she couldn’t believe the feeling.</p><p>Bolin was small, bulky, and threw disks of earth around like they were frisbees.</p><p>Mako was tall, dark, handsome with eyebrows that could cut a bitch. Korra found herself staring at Mako in every moment that she wasn’t practicing or training. Her eyes lingered on his thin arms, the fire that seemed to ooze from his fingers. The way his hips still had a slight curve. She was drooling over this boy. She got home and asked Kyoshi if she had a crush. “Sure seems like it,” Kyoshi said, almost apathetically and Korra couldn’t place the reason for the tone. But she was over the moon. She was a regular teenager. She wasn’t broken beyond repair. She could like people after all.</p><p>******</p><p>Bolin paid attention to Korra. He looked at her like she mattered and her heart swelled. She went home and looked in the mirror, day after day, no longer just looking at her abs and V line. She took her shirt off and flexed in her sports bra. She watched her chest swell when she breathed. She was trying to see what Bolin saw, and she couldn’t quite, but she wanted to. She wanted to see herself through his eyes.</p><p>And she wanted to see everything Mako’s body had to offer. “Whoa there Korra. Let’s slow down a bit. You’ve never even been kissed!” Kyoshi weighed it.</p><p>“Oh shut up Ms. ‘doing Rangi brought me joy’” Korra said.</p><p>“The girl has a point,” Roku said inside her head.</p><p>And, not for the first time, Korra felt the response “not a girl” rise and die inside her before it could make it to her past lives, or even make sense to herself in her head.</p><p>******</p><p>Bolin asked Korra out and she said yes in a second. They ate noodles and burped so loudly they got angry stares. They arm wrestled. They danced in the street like absolute goons. Korra had never felt so seen. She felt beautiful in the way Bolin’s eyes lingered at her chest and waist. She bumped him with her hips to tease when she walked by. It was easy, fun, and made her feel like her body was worth something to have someone so kind, pure, and innocent consider her the way Bolin did.</p><p>******</p><p>Mako almost got run over by a fire nation girl on a scooter. But instead he got asked out. And then Asami was around. All the time. And Korra didn’t know how to make herself be a girl like Asami. If that’s what Mako wanted she felt herself falling further and further from favor.</p><p>******</p><p>Between Asami, Lin, Pemma, her own mother, Master Katara, Kyoshi, the women on other pro bending teams, Korra felt like she might finally have enough information to be a woman herself. She was making lists of things that women did, things they were good at, and things they struggled at. It was as though she was becoming an anthropologist in her study of all the women in her life. </p><p>Asami was the first woman she ever met who really showed her that women like Kyoshi were real. Asami took her race car driving, took down equalists in the streets, had flawless eyeliner, wore skirts, pants, a leather jacket, and smiled at Korra like she was a person who mattered. </p><p>Asami made Korra want to be a woman. Korra could do these things, learn to drive, fight equalists, wear pants, and, well, she didn’t need a jacket republic city was pretty warm, and she didn’t need eyeliner she’d probably accidentally blind herself. But Asami made Korra see the word woman in a whole new way. </p><p>And whenever Korra started thinking about how to be like Asami, or what would Asami do? What would Asami like? Kyoshi’s quiet chuckling just filtered into her head until Aang or Roku told her to shut it. </p><p>******</p><p>The equalists were gaining power, taking over everywhere. And Korra just wanted the fire ferrets to win at Pro-Bending. But she really screwed that up. </p><p>Korra, with a thousand misplaced thoughts and feelings, told Mako she had feelings for him. He was blindsided, shocked, and pushed her away. Creeping feelings of unworthiness began to fill Korra’s heart and her bending suffered. </p><p>Finally she tried again, pushing Mako, saying she knew he felt it too. And they kissed. It was, something, but it wasn’t the fireworks, the whole parade, it wasn’t the answer to Korra’s questions. But it was the answer to Bolin’s. That Korra didn’t deserve him, and she fell further from the only human friendship she had ever known. </p><p>Korra did what she always did, she ran. She found herself alone, in republic city. Anonymous, a part of her plan. She slipped into club after club. She was 17, she was the avatar. She danced with anyone, with everyone. They bought her drinks, she let go. She didn’t care anymore, she could be anyone in the city. She did her hair differently, she wore regular clothes. She kissed people, men, women, it didn’t matter. Anyone who called her pretty. And she snuck back to Air Temple Island before anyone knew she had been gone. </p><p>She never felt better afterwards, she never felt worse either. She never felt anything. Other people liked her, eyes raked up and down her body. Other hands pressed against her. And for a moment Korra felt something, a rush, an echo of the person that she knew she could be. She pushed herself to try, to be with people, to be anyone and everyone, but she couldn’t land on who she was.</p><p>Everyone wanted to call her hot, beautiful, sexy. People did unspeakable things to her, with her - she didn’t know the difference, and she still didn’t feel good enough. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered, she was disconnected from everything that happened to and with her. It was an experiment and it wasn’t going well. </p><p>******</p><p>She threw herself into the hunt for Amon, she chased the leads that led her to accuse Asami’s father. She gave up on all pretenses, she wanted Mako and she pushed. She wanted to feel something. When Hiroshi was arrested Korra was justified, and then Asami seemed to give up on her relationship with Mako. But Korra couldn’t put her finger on any of the ways that she felt. Kyoshi stayed quiet, and Aang pushed her towards criminal justice, showing her more visions of the past. </p><p>Finally Korra got to have the showdown she’d always been saying she was ready for and Amon bested her. Took her bending and left her with only a connection to air. She felt broken, tired, and it had only been a year away from home. </p><p>******</p><p>Korra went home. Sat on her bed in the South Pole and she screamed into her pillow. She wasn’t worthy. </p><p>******</p><p>After days of attempted healing Korra finally did the thing she was best at and ran. </p><p>She sat atop a cliff and looked out at the ocean, she was reminded of sitting in the fire nation capital with Roku years ago, when he spoke of duality. She took a deep breath and pulled 17 year old Aang from within her. </p><p>“You rang?” Aang said, appearing fuzzy, and blue tinged beside her.</p><p>Korra turned to look at him and laughed for the first time in weeks, “What are you growing on your face?”</p><p>“It’s a beard!” Aang said indignantly, “You don’t like it?”</p><p>Korra shook her head, “It looks like you glued Appa’s butt hair to your neck. And not to your chin.”</p><p>Aang sighed, “It comes in later. I swear.”</p><p>Korra laughed again, and Aang smiled, “You have a lovely laugh Korra, it breaks my heart when we all go months without hearing it.”</p><p>Korra looked at Aang, pain evident in her eyes, “Was it this hard for you?”</p><p>Aang nodded, “I coped by being a child. By being goofy, distractible. But I didn’t feel worthy either. I wanted someone else to end the war, someone else to figure out how. But in the end it had to be me.”</p><p>“Does it have to be me?” Korra asked softly. </p><p>Aang nodded, “It does. No matter how broken you feel you will recover.” Korra didn’t know it then but she needed Aang to have said these words, she needed to have this memory. She needed to have this forever in his voice. </p><p>“How do you know?” Korra asked, a quiver in her voice. </p><p>“Because we always do. Every single one of us.”</p><p>“Um, you’re all dead,” Korra said. </p><p>Aang rolled his eyes, “But our spirits are whole.”</p><p>Korra rolled her eyes, “But I’m not the avatar anymore. I’m a regular ass airbender.”</p><p>“And that is a kind of survival, but don’t undersell yourself, would I be here if you weren’t the Avatar?” Aang asked.</p><p>Korra sighed, feeling like she was speaking to a teacher instead of her equal, “No, Master Aang. You would not be here if I wasn’t the avatar.”</p><p>“That is correct,” Aang said, picking up on her tone. “And now for the real answer to your question. I think we have a solution to your other 3 problems.”</p><p>Korra looked at him confused and Aang counted on his fingers, “Water, Earth, and Fire.”</p><p>And then Aang took a step toward Korra. She felt the energy within her fuse new pathways, snake through her chest, connect to the ground, the moon, the sun. She opened her eyes and saw Aang fade and she felt her eyes burn blue, the energy of all her past lives channeled through her and she spun all 4 elements around her, a manic laugh escaping her lips as she let her eyes fade back to ice. As she let herself fall back to earth she found herself in Mako’s arms.</p><p>When had he arrived?</p><p>And he was kissing her. And she was kissing him back, and Korra let go of worry for a moment. She could just be. It had to be enough to have her bending back and to have the boy with the amber eyes. She couldn’t fight anymore. She had to be enough.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Book 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Book 2 - again - canon plot is background to more of Korra trying to figure out who they are and why this spirit stuff is hard. They have a hard time being with Mako in this one - it's not central, but it's certainly no a good time - the next chapter is when they start to figure themself out - so just hang tight through the struggle - they'll get there.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Age 18 (part 1 - book 2)</p><p>Korra had a boyfriend. And all the past lives she spoke with laughed and laughed about it. She never knew what was funny, and her annoyance with them was growing again. They had told her over and over again that she was an individual and here they all were having opinions about Mako. </p><p>In a recurring nightmare about Amon,  Kyoshi stood in the corner watching Mako and Korra fight, and said, “Do you want to be with him? Or do you want to be him?” before she faded away. </p><p>Roku faded in once Kyoshi was gone, “Duality. Water and Fire. Not the fire nation one I thought you’d go for,” he said with a shrug and he faded away too. </p><p>Korra knew she could focus on the past lives, she knew they were giving her more than the same nightmare she’d been having for months but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the moment when Amon ripped her bending away. </p><p>Aang appeared at that moment, as he always did, “Korra,” he said softly, hand on her back, “Let’s go, Korra.” </p><p>And Korra turned and walked out of the building with Aang, stepping back in time to the Monastery of his youth. “You can’t hold onto this forever,” Aang said. </p><p>“I can’t let go yet,” Korra said, as she always did.</p><p>Aang nodded and the scene faded, Korra woke, drenched in cold sweat, lying in her bed on air temple island.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra took her friends to the South Pole for the Midwinter Festival. She was so excited to have them all in her home, on her ice. She wanted to see them all outfitted in the best furs. She wanted them all to understand her, and she thought seeing her home would help. </p><p>Instead Mako just wanted to tell her everything was wrong. None of her choices were right, nothing good enough. She felt unworthy, again. She couldn’t manage the dark spirits, she couldn’t manage her boyfriend. She couldn’t manage anything. Her legs shook as she walked through the carnival. She felt a light hand catch her and hold her. She turned, expecting Kyoshi, and found Asami looking at her with nothing but caring in her light green eyes, and Korra looked away. She didn’t deserve a friend. </p><p>******<br/>She and Mako argued so much, daily. He pushed her against walls, he kissed her like he wanted to drown the fight. And he slid his hands up her abs and towards her chest. Korra pushed him off and ran. </p><p>“That’s not what love is,” echoed in her head in hundreds of different voices and tears ran hot and fast down Korra’s cheeks.</p><p>******<br/>Korra fought with herself. She fought to make the correct choices, she joined Unalaq to learn to fight the dark spirits. She had to do something. She was supposed to be balance. </p><p>She fought her dad on her choices. She fought Mako on her choices. She pushed him away when he tried to touch her. She opened the spirit portal. She started a civil war. </p><p>Korra lay face down in the snow and cried. She couldn’t do anything right.</p><p>******<br/>Korra returned to Republic City. The president refused aid to her tribe. Mako broke up with her in the middle of the police precinct and she just. Left. </p><p>She didn’t care. None of it mattered. She’d go to the fire nation, ask for different aid. She had to fix her own mistakes, and if she had to do it on her own - then so be it. Yangchen nodded her approval where only Korra could see.</p><p>******<br/>Korra found herself injured, but not irreparably so, just isolated as she had been her whole life. She meditated herself all the way into the past, and the first Avatar, Wan, showed her his whole story. Spirits roamed, and he worked with them and people. Korra admired him, alone, no human friends but still finding a way. </p><p>She watched as he went from lion turtle to lion turtle, how he fused with Raava, who lit her chest again. Korra felt less alone for the first time in a decade. She held Raava close, pressed her ribcage to the light spirit and felt the thrum of connection. She could do it. Her belief in herself had been restored.</p><p>******<br/>Korra returned, claiming amnesia and fell back into Mako’s arms, wanting a connection on earth as well. Her past lives chastised her but she shushed them as Mako let her. She felt a newfound sense of peace as she had a name for Raava, for the shield she carried everywhere. She held herself taller, prouder and more certain. She was chosen after all.</p><p>******<br/>Korra fought valiantly. But in the end it wasn’t enough to save them. She watched as each of her past lives was scrubbed from her. Her heart broke a hundred times, for each connection lost. She defeated her uncle, but at what cost? She would always be alone now. She was destined to face her future alone. </p><p>She walked away from Mako. </p><p>She walked away from Bolin. </p><p>She walked until she found herself truly alone. Alone like she had never been before. She sat, and she cried. There was no echo, no words, nothing left to say. It was her and Raava alone. </p><p>It took Korra days, or maybe it was weeks, or maybe it was months, to say goodbye in her own way to her past lives. </p><p>She wrote the words that had meant the most to her. She sketched the faces that she wanted, and needed to remember. She felt like all of her closest friends had died, all at once. And she had killed them. </p><p>Korra mourned and no one understood the depth of her grief. No one understood that Aang was her best friend, Kyoshi her confidant. No one knew that Roku taught her more about how to live in the world than anyone else ever had. No one knew, and no one asked. No one cared that Yangchen was the first person Korra told when she mastered waterbending. No one knew that Kuruk had been her biggest fan, for years, in his eyes she could do no wrong and she needed that. </p><p>Korra felt pain in her soul every time she moved. Her own spirit felt dislodged, loose in her body, bouncing off of Raava, in the hollows that used to hold her friends. </p><p>Korra was lost.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra sat on Air Temple Island on a rock bench. She stared off into space, not really seeing any of the world. She let her eyes go out of focus as she felt the silence inside of her pressing on her eardrums. </p><p>Next thing Korra knew a hand was squeezing hers. “It’s okay to not be okay,” Asami said softly. </p><p>Korra looked next to her, feeling for a moment like she had blinked a spirit into existence, she had to shake herself to remember that Asami was real. Korra nodded at Asami and then turned back to stare absently into space, where spirits now swirled into the clouds, playing absently with the sky bison. </p><p>“No matter how broken you feel you will recover.” Avatar Aang’s words of almost a year ago echoed in the space between her and Asami, Asami’s hand still around hers. </p><p>Korra felt a single tear drop from her eye. She turned to Asami, making a decision, finally, and completely, to let someone in. To have someone that she properly treated like a friend. Asami held her gaze and Korra took a steadying breath. “Last year Avatar Aang told me that no matter how broken I felt I would recover.”</p><p>Asami nodded, and Korra continued, “But I don’t see how he could have predicted this. This is more broken than any avatar has ever been.”</p><p>Asami squeezed her hand and pushed on, “I broke what it means to be the avatar. And now I still have pressure from Aang to recover. And he isn’t even here to help me.” Tears fell in earnest from Korra’s eyes.</p><p>Asami wrapped her arms around Korra, squeezing tightly as she cried. Asami spoke softly, “You don’t have to be okay today, or even tomorrow. You have time. And you get to set your own timeline for recovery.”</p><p>Korra nodded, her face pressed against Asami, “I don’t know how to make friends,” she confessed. </p><p>“Me neither,” Asami said, the smile clear in her voice.</p><p>“Great, we can learn together,” Korra said through her slowing tears, “I want to matter in the real world, pull myself out of loss and into reality, and I want to do that with people who matter.”</p><p>Asami pulled back from the hug to look into Korra’s eyes, “That we can do. I want to help you, with all of it.” And Korra pulled Asami back into a tight hug. </p><p>******<br/>Korra still had dreams, but they weren’t the same as before. They were echoes of the real thing, no one gave her new information, and each dream seemed to break her memories apart, Kuruk’s head on Kyoshi’s body, riding Aang’s air scooter. Korra woke with headache after headache. </p><p>But she realized in the silence she had lost the intensity of discomfort with her body. She lay in bed and meditated from her toes to her hair. She found herself feeling free of the feeling of pressure, of expectation, free of who the other Avatars had assumed her to be. Korra lay and felt a sick sense of relief, she was enough, and her past lives had been the problem. She slept dreamlessly after that.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Book 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Korra finally finds words for what they've been struggling with, and Asami turns out to be a much closer friend than Korra expected.</p><p>(This is the chapter where I start trying to put in how cis people know they're cis - I'm not so if that part doesn't feel believable let me know how you knew you were cis! Because it's weirdly hard to describe according to all the people I surveyed)</p><p>Also obviously this is book 3, so the usual warnings that like Zaheer is here, and does try to kill Korra. Which I don't love for them, but I left it, its part of the story. </p><p>Stay tuned for how some of Korra's revelations about themself here help them through their time healing next.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Age 18 (Part 2, book 3)</p><p>Korra liked seeing spirits in Republic City. She liked the spirit vines. She liked walking through the city with Asami and helping regular people. Korra liked being alive, it was new, and she didn’t know what to do with the feeling. She still missed her past lives, but she felt much more present in her life. She felt the most secure in herself that she ever had. </p><p>******<br/>Reports of new airbenders started coming in. Korra was credited with the creation of the new generation of airbenders. Her heart felt so happy, Tenzin smiled daily. But her heart also ached. Aang should be with her, her first friend should know, he should be here to tell her what to do.</p><p>Asami held her behind closed doors when she cried for the first time in months about how alone she was without Aang, how directionless. Asami rubbed her back and told her she could figure it out. And Korra just ached for the friend she had lost, she didn’t know what Aang looked at 19, and now she never would. It wasn’t an age that he was immortalized at, it would have been an age that they could have been together, she could have seen republic city be built, but now she would just see it be re-built. And it would be by the side of her real life friend, Asami, who was doing the rebuilding. </p><p>******<br/>It was on the airship that Korra began to feel wrong in her body again. Asami sat on the foot of her small cot as they flew toward Ba Sing Sei - in search of new Airbenders. Korra lay flat on her back, her knees bent, so she wasn’t touching Asami. “What’re you thinking about?” Asami asked lightly.</p><p>“How do you know you’re a woman?” Korra asked abruptly. </p><p>Asami blinked at her friend, “I don’t know. I’ve never considered it.”</p><p>Korra sighed, “Can you consider it now?”</p><p>Asami nodded and leaned back against the metal wall of the ship.  She was still and thoughtful and Korra twisted her hands nervously in her lap as she waited for Asami’s response. </p><p>Finally Asami spoke, “I know I’m a woman because of how I’m treated. I am a young woman in charge of a major company, and I face sexism at every turn. I have to dispel doubts about my qualifications that my father never had to. I know when a man wolf whistles at me walking by, the world sees me as a woman, and so I am.”</p><p>Korra visibly deflated, “That’s how the world sees me too.”</p><p>“How do you see yourself, Korra?” Asami asked, surprised by her friend’s reaction. </p><p>“Different,” Korra said simply. </p><p>“Avatar different? Or different different?” Asami asked.</p><p>“Different different,” Korra confirmed. </p><p>Asami considered this for a moment and then added, “I guess I’m a woman because I don’t think everyone else is wrong. When they see me and think I’m a woman I agree. I disagree with how they treat me, but I agree at the surface level.”</p><p>Korra wrinkled her nose, “But why do you agree?”</p><p>Asami pursed her lips, “Because I have no reason not to.”</p><p>Korra put her hands over her face, “What does it mean about me if I do disagree?” Korra asked through closed fingers. </p><p>“That you are different different,” Asami said.</p><p>****** <br/>Asami poked her head into Korra’s room on the airship. Korra was staring at a candle. Asami cleared her throat. “Also I was always the girl, or the mom when I played make believe.”</p><p>Korra looked up, confused. “I’m still thinking about how I know I’m a woman,” Asami clarified. “And there are clues throughout my childhood, when I stop and look.”</p><p>Korra nodded slowly, “I played make believe with Aang. But we never really were a boy and a girl or anything. We just were. It was nice.”</p><p>Asami nodded and stepped back into the hall leaving Korra alone with her thoughts. </p><p>******<br/>Korra bought a binder in an earth kingdom town they stopped in, it fit much better than the one Kyoshi had helped her make. She wanted to show Kyoshi how flat she was now, how much better she felt. She wanted to ask Kyoshi a million and two questions about being queer, about loving her best friend. She had so many things that she didn’t want to say to Asami, not yet, but she had no one else to tell.</p><p>******<br/>Korra didn’t wear the binder off the ship, she didn’t wear it out of her room. She didn’t wear it in front of anyone. But she did wear it. Under her usual blue top, her chest flatter, and her muscles prominent. She stared into the mirror hung in the corner of her small room. She wanted to see Aang. To tell him she was okay, that she was going to be okay. But he didn’t appear. He never would again. </p><p>Instead there was a soft knock on the door and Korra’s heart flung itself into her throat. She grabbed for her bathrobe and wrapped it loosely around her before she slowly opened the door, sticking just her head out. She found herself face to face with Asami. “Can I come in?” Asami asked, looking up and down the hallway.</p><p>Korra nodded, putting her hands in the pockets of the robe and holding it away from her body. She stepped back to let Asami in, and Asami slid the door closed behind her. </p><p>“I’ve been thinking a lot about how I know I’m a woman,” Asami said.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put my feelings in your head,” Korra said immediately ashamed. </p><p>“No no, not in a bad way!” Asami said quickly, “I just really never thought about it. And I’ve been thinking that that might be the answer. I never thought about whether or not I was a woman, I just believed everyone who said and acted like I was. And that is how I know I am one. Does that make sense?”</p><p>Korra nodded, and slowly took off her robe. Asami watched with confusion on her face, but she waited for Korra to speak. “I bought a binder,” she said abruptly as she turned to the side.</p><p>“A what?” Asami asked as she perched lightly on Korra’s bed.</p><p>“A binder. It’s like fabric, like a shirt instead of a bra. And it compresses my …” Korra trailed off and gestured to her chest.</p><p>Asami nodded and looked Korra up and down. Korra was self conscious, but not in the way she usually was, and not in the way that she had always expected to be when being surveyed. “You look good,” Asami said casually.</p><p>Korra smiled, and looked down at herself. She did like this, but she wasn’t ready to show anyone other than Asami. </p><p>Korra sat lightly beside Asami, not wanting to look at her friend for how long she could feel the conversation becoming, but hadn’t she wanted someone to talk to? Hadn’t she been yearning for her past lives’ approval? </p><p>Asami spoke again, “How did you know to look for a binder?”</p><p>Korra smiled, “Kyoshi, she told me they existed when I was a kid. She taught me to make my own, in secret in the south. She told me that not all women like their bodies, and not all women want the breasts they end up with.”</p><p>Asami nodded, “I suppose that could be true.”</p><p>“What? Do you disagree?” Korra asked.</p><p>“No no, I think Kyoshi was right, just I also think that the main group of people who don’t want to have breasts is you know, not women,” Asami said. </p><p>“Oh,” Korra said, and before she could lose her nerve asked, “What does that mean for me?” She stretched her shoulders against the tight fabric of the binder. She felt her breathing hitch.</p><p>“What do you want it to mean for you?” Asami shot back, quickly, and with a glance at Korra, like a challenge to see if Korra would take the bait.</p><p>Korra sighed and slid back so that her back was pressed against the cool metal of the ship, her back hunching in an attempt to be comfortable. And finally Korra spoke. “I want to be not a woman,” she said aloud for the first time in her life. </p><p>Asami seemed to sense the heaviness of the moment but just said, “Okay. Then you’re not a woman.”</p><p>“Is it that easy?” Korra asked, tension still in her shoulders, and her voice soft.</p><p>Asami nodded, “I think it has to be. You’ve been thinking about this a long time. I never thought about it. If what makes me a woman is not thinking about then you thinking about it should do the opposite.”</p><p>“Well reasoned I guess,” Korra said. </p><p>“You don’t sound happy,” Asami said.</p><p>“Not a woman isn’t anything,” Korra said, “I want to be defined by what I am not what I’m not.”</p><p>“One thing at a time,” Asami said with a smile and scooted back onto the bed so she was leaning against the metal wall beside Korra, their arms pressed together. “We can find a word, we can make a word, so that you are you, instead of not something. We have time.”</p><p>Korra sighed deeply, and let herself relax, letting the tension out of her shoulders, and leaning against Asami. Asami had said ‘we’. Over and over again Asami said ‘we’, Korra gave her a million reasons to leave, to do what Korra would do and run and yet, Asami was still here.</p><p>Korra hadn’t sat like this with anyone since her past lives left. She hadn’t had these feelings since her past lives left. She thought back to what Roku said when she was 13, that adding spirits to her already conflicted spirit had been unkind. </p><p>“I think they knew,” Korra said finally, a morose quality to her voice that she hadn’t expected given her excitement at Asami’s continued use of ‘we’.</p><p>“Who?” Asami asked, turning her head to look at Korra. </p><p>“I think my past lives knew I wasn’t going to be a woman, but they didn’t do anything to help me,” and Korra was back to anger. She punched the wall with the fist on the side away from Asami. “What even was the point of not telling me?” Tears welled in Korra’s eyes. “My childhood was so hard, Asami. I felt so broken, unworthy, wrong. The whole time. And they never told me why.” And Korra was crying her hands balled into fists and her face buried in Asami’s shoulder.</p><p>As Korra cried she realized that Asami never talked about her childhood either, all she knew was that her mother had died. She realized that Asami had now seen her cry more than anyone else who she was still in contact with. Korra realized that she was closer to this woman from Republic City than she had ever meant to be, that she truly had a friend, and she didn’t know when it had happened, how she had done it, or why she still felt incomplete. </p><p>Asami held Korra while she cried. </p><p>****** </p><p>One day, over a game of Pai Sho, Korra asked Asami about her childhood. And it was Korra who ended up holding Asami while Asami said things she hadn’t said aloud in years, crying about her mother lost in death, and her father lost to her, the childhood she never really got to have. </p><p>****** </p><p>In Ba Sing Sei, Korra was busy. She was the Avatar, and she was looking for Airbenders. She and Asami ran a mission for the Earth Queen. She doubted her entire existence, and felt like she was negotiating for other people’s lives with her powers. And she fell back into uncertainty about what the point of her being alive even was. </p><p>****** </p><p>Korra left Ba Sing Sei in an airship full of airbenders, with the knowledge that Assassins were after her. Pieces of her childhood were falling into place. Korra refused to hide. She spent her whole life hiding. It wasn’t fair. It felt like she was being punished for finally trying to find words for herself. It felt like she brought the assassins out of prison, out of hiding, and to herself just by trying to be. </p><p>She cried each night. She punched the wall so hard she felt the vibration in her soul. She considered trying to bend the metal. She didn’t care enough to really try.</p><p>****** <br/>Korra, Asami, Bolin, and Mako went to ZaoFu without the rest of the airbenders, but with Lin Beifong. They found another airbender, and Bolin thought she was pretty. Korra couldn’t help but compare herself to the Earth Kingdom girl, remembering that Bolin had once found her pretty. Opal was petite, with dark hair, green eyes, and a tendency to wear flowing dresses. Korra guessed it was a look, or something. </p><p>Korra trained Opal in airbending.</p><p>Bolin tried to learn metal bending. </p><p>Korra did learn metal bending. </p><p>Asami was nowhere to be found until she knocked on Korra’s door one evening after she had missed dinner. </p><p>“I think I found a word for you,” Asami said with no greeting, striding into Korra’s room and plopping onto the bed with a book in her hands. </p><p>“Excuse me what?” Korra said stupidly from the door.</p><p>“Well close the door, and get over here,” Asami said, gesturing to the spot beside her with her head. </p><p>Korra obeyed, and hurried to sit beside Asami who thrust the book entitled “Gender Theory” into her lap. “I was in the library while you all were training. And I did some digging, and it turns out that, what with the focus on self expression in ZaoFu, there are some actually decent thoughts about gender and existing, and I wanted to show you this,” Asami said in a rush.</p><p>Korra opened the book the page that was marked, “Nonbinary Gender Identity”.</p><p>“Now it’s not perfect or anything, but like, there are words,” Asami said excitedly. </p><p>And Korra blinked, skimming the page quickly, she looked up at Asami, “Nonbinary?” she said slowly, out loud for the first time, trying to figure out if she liked the feel of the word on her lips, against her teeth. </p><p>Asami nodded, eyes still wide, waiting to see what Korra’s reaction was going to settle out to. Korra nodded and turned back to the book, she re-read the first page. There were so many words she didn’t know but there was also a description that was the most seen she’d ever felt by a textbook. </p><p>Asami dropped her voice conspiratorially, “Also, I did not check that out, so you can keep it.”</p><p>Korra shoved Asami playfully, “Asami Sato, I did not know you were a thief.”</p><p>“Oh c’mon, you knew I was a badass after we got that gold for the Earth Queen,” Asami said.</p><p>“I knew you were a badass when you electrocuted that equalist,” Korra said, “No, scratch that, I knew you were a badass the first time I got in a car you were driving.”</p><p>Asami grinned, she felt at least partially responsible for Korra’s new found good mood.</p><p>****** </p><p>Korra read the chapter Asami had marked for her in the book over and over and over again over the course of several days. She was always sneaking away from training to her room. She was turning into a nerd. But she felt so much more at peace. She was something, she wasn’t unprecedented. </p><p>And then anger surged back, if the book was to be believed, nonbinary people had existed for centuries, and her past lives hadn’t taught her. They’d left her to be 19, alone, and afraid. She could have known everything about herself sooner. </p><p>The book also had a chapter about pronouns. Korra stared at the listing of they/them. She couldn’t wrap her head around it. Maybe it could suit her, maybe she would try that. Maybe. </p><p>****** <br/>The assassins tried to kidnap Korra, they didn’t succeed but Korra decided they were tired of being a sitting duck. They didn’t want their adulthood to go exactly how their childhood went. They were the avatar. They were themself, and this was all about them. They took their friends, and a troupe of  elder teenagers went after 5 very deadly adults. </p><p>****** </p><p>Korra and Asami found themselves back on an airship, this one shoddily made, And Asami orchestrated their escape. Korra realized then that their feelings for Asami were not just friendship, it wasn’t a crush the same way they had felt about Mako, there were too many underlying feelings of platonic love to call it a crush. </p><p>And Korra didn’t have time to think about it as they careened toward the Northern Air Temple. They had airbenders to save, balance to restore. Now that they had found the chance for a balanced future within themself they had a much stronger desire to find it for the world. </p><p>****** <br/>Korra told Asami they were thinking about new pronouns. It was a hushed conversation before sleep and after planning. Korra wasn’t ready for it to be anything other than something they were thinking about. </p><p>But as they prepared for the possibility that Zaheer might kill them, just when they finally decided they wanted to live, they realized they needed someone to know who they were. And Asami was their anchor, the one who they trusted to hold that information. </p><p>****** </p><p>Korra didn’t die, but they almost did. They certainly didn’t feel alive after the fight with Zaheer. They didn’t really feel anything. Asami kissed their forehead, and still. Nothing. This was a new kind of broken, a new kind of suffering, a new kind of anger with their body. </p><p>It wasn’t fair. No matter how much it seemed like cruel balance, it wasn’t fair. And that became the mantra that kept Korra hanging on. It wasn’t fair, and they had so much left to do, so much left to be, and become. They had a future, as themself, and they hadn’t gotten to that part yet.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Inbetween</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Korra in the South - trying to recover, and keep their motivation to learn and define who they are. Heartfelt talks with Katara, a little bit of parent angst - nothing too heavy. Asami is literally the best friend anyone could have.</p>
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    <p>Age 19</p><p>Korra couldn’t walk yet. But at least they knew who they were. They took immense personal joy in the certainty of who they were. They never saw this as their future, but for the first time they felt hopeful, yes, destroyed and broken came first, but hopeful was still there. And that was how they knew they would survive. </p><p>It was how they were able to echo Aang’s words from two years prior in their head every day before they went to sleep “No matter how broken you feel you will recover.” It was the closest they had felt to Aang in months.</p><p>******</p><p>Their friends wrote, Mako’s letters were dry, Bolin’s included art, Asami’s made their heart ache. And they just weren’t ready to write back yet. They had nothing new to say, nothing new to write, no hope for the world to instill, just hope for themself, and that felt selfish after such a huge destruction of the world. </p><p>******</p><p>Finally Korra wrote back to Asami. They confirmed their pronouns, they shared their hope. They weren’t bleak about their physical prognosis, but they were frank and honest. Walking was hard, bending was harder. But they were reading, and if Asami could get them any more books about gender, textbooks, or memoirs, anything, they would be forever in her debt. </p><p>And of course Asami obliged, and she managed to say she was happy to have the avatar indebted to her. Korra blushed when they read that line, and then got quickly distracted as they turned to the box full of memoirs, novels, and several textbooks from ZaoFu, that all had issues of gender at the heart. </p><p>Korra wrote Asami a million thank yous, they couldn’t explain how much this meant to them, but it seemed clear that Asami knew. </p><p>******</p><p>Katara was the first person other than Asami who Korra spoke to about their pronouns and their gender. Korra was nervous at first, but as soon as they started talking Katara was nodding along, already understanding what Korra was telling her. </p><p>“You are still you, little one,” Katara said.</p><p>“Well yeah,” Korra said, sitting in the cool healing bath while Katara worked, “That’s the whole point. I finally found words to explain who I’ve been the whole time.”</p><p>Katara nodded, “So this feels like no change,” she said.</p><p>“Even calling me they?” Korra asked.</p><p>“It will take practice. But it doesn’t change how I understand you. You tried to explain this a lot when you were young. To myself, to your mother, to your father, but we didn’t know how to make sense of it. And now, you have gone out and figured out how to make sense of it for yourself, I am proud of you Korra,” Katara said. </p><p>And then Katara added the words that Korra hadn’t realized they needed to hear, until they were said, “Aang would be so proud of the person you’ve become.”</p><p>******</p><p>Asami was so happy that Korra had talked to Katara. They had written to her days after the conversation, and they had almost forgotten to mention that they were regaining use of their legs. The physical therapy was slow, and they were still in pain, but none of that was news compared to their pseudo gran-gran changing their pronouns easily and saying Aang would be proud of them. </p><p>Asami asked the question that Korra had expected in the next letter, but just because they had expected the question didn’t mean they had an answer for Asami. </p><p>“What should I tell Mako and Bolin?” was written in the letter. “I don’t like misgendering you, when they talk about you. Not that you come up a lot. Especially since they don’t know you write me. But…” and Asami trailed off into thoughts about how she could be better at using Korra’s pronouns if she didn’t ever use them with anyone. </p><p>Korra finally just wrote, “Don’t say anything to the guys. I don’t know what to say to them, but I want to say it. Face to face. I’ll be back eventually. I promise.”<br/>

Age 20</p><p>Moving was painful, but Korra could do it on their own. They dressed themself for dinner with their parents, they walked from their room to the dining room. It was these small shows of independence that made their decision to come out to their parents that much easier. </p><p>And they did it, their parents sat in quiet confusion. Tonraq tried to explain it off, saying it was phase, that Korra was a tomboy, that they always had been. </p><p>Korra refused to let him take this line. They told him that this had always been true. They told both their parents that if Katara could acknowledge it was their truth their own parents should be able to see it. Senna held Tonraq’s hands and promised Korra she would try. </p><p>Tonraq said this wouldn’t have happened if Korra had just stayed in the South. </p><p>Korra stood, shaky on their feet, and told their dad that they would have died if they stayed in the south. </p><p>Tonraq pointed out that they almost died anyway. </p><p>Tears streaming down Korra’s cheeks, they said, “I’d rather die in service of the balance of the world than because I chose to stop living because I couldn’t be myself.”</p><p>They slowly left the room, their parents still seated at the table.</p><p>******</p><p>“It could have gone better. But it also could have gone worse,” Korra wrote in their next letter to Asami. Their dad wouldn’t meet their eyes. Their mom was the opposite, watching them like they might break. </p><p>******</p><p>“I’m less broken than ever before,” Korra said as they practiced walking, bending, punching a pillow, “so why are my parents acting like I’m worse off?” </p><p>“They don’t know how to be what you need yet,” Katara offered, watching Korra’s form as they pulled back a punch to swing at the hanging target. </p><p>“But I don’t need them to be anything. I need them to treat me the same, because I am the same,” Korra said in a huff. </p><p>“How long did it take you to realize you were nonbinary?” Katara asked.</p><p>Korra shrugged and delivered a one two punch to the bag. “About 19 years to find the word, but I knew it was right once I found it. There were other clues along the way.”</p><p>“Well your parents have only just found out that this identity is even a choice for their child, so they are reconceiving of you before your very eyes. It’s hard to unlearn who someone is.”</p><p>“Then why could you do it?” Korra asked.</p><p>“Because I had already done it. I had to reconceive the man I married into a young girl,” Katara raised her hand to wave off Korra’s quick attempt at correction, “yes, I know you weren’t a girl, but I thought you were at the time. And to find the spirit of my dead husband inside of you, along with your own spirit, it involved a lot of work. And so this wasn’t hard for me, give your parents time Korra, they want to love you.” </p><p>******</p><p>Korra’s parents made progress, but they never really seemed to get it. Korra came to resent them for it. Korra felt like their parents were walking on eggshells around them, like everything they were doing was to try and ignore who Korra was. </p><p>Korra was ready to leave. Ready to be anywhere but here. Ready to run, and with permission from Katara they ran again. Set sail into the world ready to be away. They stopped writing Asami, they had nothing left to say, they needed this time, this space, the permission to exist as themself in the world. They also needed to get away from the guilt that was creeping in, they had been gone too long.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Book 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Book 4 - Korra coming out to everyone, and also the change that being themself has on them in all aspects of their life as the Avatar. Hopefully this one starts to feel uplifting and like there is a benefit to being honest and open with yourself and others. </p><p>AKA I swear I like being nonbinary and I hope it starts to be apparent here.</p><p>(Also full disclosure I have not read any of the comics so everything after this chapter will be SO CANON divergent - because honestly these two deserve a break)</p>
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    <p>Age 21 (book 4)</p><p>Korra was tired of being recognized as the avatar. They were tired of the misgendering that went along with it. </p><p>In one bold move they chopped their hair, let go of the hair wraps, the significance of being their father’s child. They let go of their childhood, who they had been. Their dark brown hair hung unevenly just below their ears.</p><p>They swapped their water tribe clothes for a green shirt, over a binder, and what passed for cargo pants. They wore the binder too much, passing recommended safe use, but they had nowhere to take it off. They were sleeping on the streets. Fighting and unable to breath all the way. Their body was theirs, they repeated the mantra over and over again until they almost believed it. There was nothing to be gained by being their old self, they could let go of themself just like they lost the connection to their past lives.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra was chasing their demons when they stumbled into competitive fighting, and no one knew who they were. They fought men, women, anybody. And no one ever bet on them. And that was usually the right choice. Korra was slipping, they looked how they wanted to, but between always being bound, and not having any real human connection they started to see themself everywhere they looked. There were young girls, there were young boys, there were teens holding hands. Everything seemed a glimpse at the life Korra hadn’t had. Running through the Earth Kingdom on the fringes just pointed out everything Korra had always known they were missing out on. </p><p>And worst of all there was the most recent iteration of themself, the one with glowing eyes, breathing fire, blood full of metal. That was one that shook their wrapped hair, and reminded Korra every day that they had almost died. And that maybe if they had they wouldn’t be the failure that they feel like now. </p><p>Why on earth was the avatar losing fights in an illegal club? No friends, no past lives, nothing. The avatar had become nothing and Korra couldn’t decide if that was the ideal or the worst case scenario.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra found their way into a swamp. Because fucking of course they did.</p><p>They met the blind bandit, who just went by Toph and was, to all the world, just a cranky old blind lady. </p><p>Korra liked Toph. As much as it was possible to like someone who was mean on purpose. But for everything Toph did to both push and annoy Korra she always got their pronouns right. She never called Korra a woman and they appreciated it at their core. </p><p>Finally Toph pushed so hard Korra felt at their breaking point. And they felt the metal still in their body. Toph told them they knew what to do and it turned out they did. With so much work and time for themself they finally knew themself and how to guide the liquid metal from their body. It fell to the ground and the air bender kids watched. Having somehow, remarkably, also found their way into the fucking swamp. </p><p>******</p><p>Korra tried their damn best to beat Kuvira at ZaoFu. The city held a special place in their heart, having been at the center of their self discovery, it had been the source of their words. But they couldn’t do it. When it came down to it they couldn’t do it. What was the avatar state without their past lives? What was the avatar state without their old sense of self? They couldn’t do it. At the final moment, they broke. They ran, and Opal fumed as they went. Her family left behind. Metal bent around their wrists. </p><p>******</p><p>Korra found themself at lunch, seated beside Asami who just kept looking over at them, as if afraid they would break or run. Or maybe both. </p><p>Korra hung their head in shame, and guilt. But at their core what they really felt was relief. They felt at home beside Asami and they didn’t know what to do with that. </p><p>Mako was stiff. The darker skinned man beside him was hitting on Korra and they were dying. They had barely introduced themself when they realized it was now or never to tell this new person their pronouns. </p><p>They offered them, a little bit breathy, their heart thundering in their chest, “Avatar Korra, my pronouns are they/them.” Asami squeezed their thigh lightly under the table, and whispered wow under her breath. </p><p>“Prince Wu, he/him,” the man said. “So dinner?”</p><p>“So no. Definitely not,” Korra said, lightly placing their hand on Asami’s. They felt the warmth from her hand and they took a deep breath, looking next to Mako. His dark eyes unsure as he met hers. </p><p>“They?” Mako asked in a low voice. Wu looked between the two, as though at a sporting event. </p><p>Korra nodded, “They,” they confirmed. </p><p>“For how long?” Mako asked, a flash of hurt in his eyes. </p><p>“A few years?” Asami said with a look at Korra. </p><p>“How do you know?” Mako said the hurt settled into his eyes, and the creases around his mouth now. </p><p>“We talked about it. On the airship to the northern air temple,” Korra said. “Before.”</p><p>Asami nodded and then added, “And we wrote about it.” </p><p>Korra squeezed Asami’s hand under the table to try and get her to stop talking but it was too late. Mako had furrowed his eyebrows and was looking accusingly at Korra. “You wrote to her?” He said nodding his head at Asami. </p><p>Asami scoffed, “Why wouldn’t they have written me? We are friends.”</p><p>“I thought we were friends,” Mako said. </p><p>And Korra’s heart broke for the pain they had caused Mako, both as his partner and as his friend. The pain they had caused themself by pushing everyone away. The pain they still felt every second of every day knowing that they would spend the rest of their life the only spirit attached to Raava, when they had been meant to be so much more. </p><p>“Mako,” Korra started. </p><p>But Wu cut them off, “Well. Wow. This is fun. Not at all awkward - glad to meet other hotties,” he wiggled his eyebrows at Korra, “but this man has to take a trip to the men’s room, Mako?” </p><p>“Dude, you can pee on your own today,” Mako said, his eyes still on Korra as Wu slowly sidled off. </p><p>“Mako,” Korra started again, but they couldn’t help themself, they said “you usually go to the bathroom with him? When did that become detective business?”</p><p>“It’s not exactly,” Mako said, “I’m a hired bodyguard.”</p><p>“Well you better go guard his body!” Korra said, wiggling their eyebrows in an attempt at mimicking Wu. </p><p>Mako groaned, and blushed. </p><p>And then it was like old times. Mako and Korra and Asami were laughing. Bolin was missing of course. And Korra’s short hair flopped against their ears. And Asami still had her hand on Korra, as though she was afraid she would lose them again if she let go. But it felt familiar. Easy. And like Korra was back where they belonged. </p><p>And of course Wu messed up the moment of joy and laughter by getting kidnapped, but the chase to get him back made Korra feel like they were the avatar, like no matter how long they were away, no matter how lost their past lives were, they did still have a destiny. And their destiny didn’t care what their pronouns were or if they were a woman, a man, neither, both. And that was the acceptance they needed to get through a car and train chase that ended in a tuck and roll off a bridge.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra trained a lot when they first got back to Republic City. They felt so good to be so sure of themself and to be rid of the last remnants of metal, even if they still saw themself with glowing eyes, long tied up hair, and so so alone in the avatar state when they closed their eyes, when they slept. Training kept that particular vision at bay. </p><p>Korra was sweaty, and tired when Asami walked up the stairs to the spinning panels of air bender concentration training. </p><p>Korra smiled at her as soon as she saw her and Asami returned the grin. </p><p>“Hey,” Asami said. </p><p>“Hey,” Korra returned. </p><p>“I,” Asami started, “I missed you while you were away and healing.” </p><p>“I missed you too,” Korra said with a smile. </p><p>“Do you have time to walk with me?” Asami asked. </p><p>“Sure, what do you have in mind?” Korra asked and wiped the sweat off their brow and tried to be inconspicuous as they sniffed their own armpit. </p><p>But Asami noticed and laughed. Korra grinned, they hadn’t realized just how much they missed that laugh until they heard it again. “You can bathe first if you need to,” Asami said when she was done laughing. </p><p>“You know, I probably should,” Korra said with a wrinkled nose. </p><p>“I can wait for you,” Asami said, and Korra felt a pang in their heart, knowing instinctively that Asami didn’t mean just now. </p><p>Korra hopped in the shower and ran it cold because they needed the thoughts of Asami that were creeping in washed off just as much as the sweat of training. Korra closed their eyes against the falling water and tried to let themself be. They hadn’t meditated much since they went home to the South Pole. They hadn’t meditated much since they lost their connection to their past lives. It didn’t feel the same to do it alone. But now, cold water running over tense muscles, they tried to let go. To breathe themself out of the present and into peace. They didn’t enter the spirit world, they didn’t see anything unusual. But they were warm despite the cold, and they stepped out of the shower feeling ready to spend time with Asami. </p><p>Korra frowned at the mirror as they stepped out of the shower. They held an arm up to block out their chest. And then hurriedly looked away, and wrapped up with a towel. Asami was standing outside their room when they got back to it. </p><p>“Sorry - I wasn’t sure where else to wait,” she said. </p><p>“You could’ve gone in,” Korra said. </p><p>Asami smiled but added, “I didn’t want to, not without permission.” </p><p>“You always have my permission,” Korra said before they could stop themself. </p><p>Asami blushed slightly and looked at the ground and nodded in acknowledgement. Korra felt warmth settle into their stomach again. Writing to Asami had been amazing, it had cemented their friendship, revealed shared interests and allowed Korra to really truly be themself with someone. But for all that it was amazing it had also made it a lot easier to ignore exactly how many of Korra’s feelings were creeping outside the realm of platonic love. But they couldn’t deal with that yet. They couldn’t admit that they had fallen for their only friend. </p><p>“Let me get dressed and then we can go,” Korra said finally, and Asami nodded again, her cheeks still flushed and her green eyes not quite meeting Korra’s. </p><p>Korra’s romantic expertise was limited to exactly one thing - Mako - but they felt like they knew Asami well enough to know that at this point she was feeling something too. What it was was unclear, and Korra shook their head to themself, trying to clear their thoughts. They didn’t even know if Asami was queer, and through all their reading it seemed that if Asami really thought their gender was valid the only way for her to like them was to be queer. And Korra wasn’t ready to have any part of that talk yet. </p><p>Korra toweled off as thoroughly as they could and pulled on underwear, socks, and a pair of pants that now hung loosely over their smaller legs. They hadn’t realized how much muscle they lost while they were wheelchair bound until they had to stand in their own clothes. But the fact of the matter was, they didn’t need the muscle anymore. It had been for hiding, and not for being themself. They probably should get some more pants at some point though, it would be awkward if their pants fell off next time they had to face Kuvira. </p><p>Korra grabbed a binder off the hook in the closet. Since returning to republic city they were trying hard to only wear their binder for casual outings, never sleep in it, only 8 hours at a time, do their breathing exercises. Everything the books Asami had sent them had said. And everything they had been failing to do while running amok homeless in the earth kingdom. </p><p>They put their head through the hole and pulled the tight canvas over their chest. It was the great irony of their life was that this thing that made it harder to breathe, and harder to fight made them feel like breathing was worth it and life was a thing to fight for. The canvas sat snug not quite as low as it ought to be. The stretchy bottom of the tank hung to Korra’s abs and their hands scrabbled at their own back trying to find the hem of the binder to yank. They exhaled softly as their hands failed to find the edge. “Fuck.” They tried airbending to push the fabric away from themself so they could find purchase or feeling. But no. They were stuck. </p><p>“Um. Asami?” Korra said. </p><p>“Yeah?” Asami said from the other side of the door. </p><p>“I. Uh. I think I need a hand getting. Ready,” Korra said awkwardly. They turned away from the door so Asami would see only the back that they desperately needed assistance with if she walked in. </p><p>“What do you need? Is something you want out on the line?” Asami asked easily. </p><p>“I wish,” Korra said but breathed a sigh of relief that they got to explain the issue through a closed door. “I’m stuck. In my binder. It’s like mostly on. But I can’t reach the edge to pull down the back. And. If you could just. Come in and do that. I’d really appreciate it.” </p><p>The door clicked open. “Of course.” Then Asami laughed as she looked at Korra, a mess of limbs trying to reach parts of their back that they had no reason ever touching. “Wow. This looks worse than a bra,” Asami said, “How do you ever do this alone?” </p><p>Korra sighed as Asami unrolled stretchy fabric on their back until Korra could grab it with their own fingers and unroll it the rest of the way. “It’s usually not this bad, I made a rookie mistake though. Binders are notoriously awful to get on when you’re still damp. But I was trying to hurry. That’s not to say that they’re easy ever, but being damp out of the shower just makes everything worse. Still though, much better than a bra to me,” they said, using more words than absolutely necessary but they were trying to fill the space so they didn’t have to process how nice it was to be this near Asami again. Or worse yet, how gentle Asami’s fingers had been, and how easy it was to be this close to their friend. How easy it was to trust her. And let her in. To have her standing here, while Korra was in underthings that no one had ever seen them in. And to still have Asami asking earnest questions, trying to understand who Korra was and what it took for them to be themself. </p><p>Korra surreptitiously adjusted the tight canvas so it covered and compressed their whole chest. They tucked the binder into their pants at the bottom and strode back towards the closet. </p><p>“You didn’t have to hurry on my account,” Asami said softly. </p><p>Korra turned to face her, moving slowly, knowing that she was making a choice to be newly vulnerable to stand here shirtless before Asami. “I wanted to. Like I said, I’ve missed you.”</p><p>Asami smiled, still looking a bit embarrassed, “I can go while you finish,” she said gesturing at the door with her head. </p><p>“No, stay,” Korra said quickly and then added, “If you’re comfortable. I just need a shirt now.” </p><p>“I’m comfortable with you,” Asami said softly. </p><p>“I’m glad that’s still true,” Korra said, breathing a sigh of relief despite the pressure of their binder on their lungs. </p><p>“You’re still you, Korra.”</p><p>Korra smiled as they grabbed a blue top, finally returning to water tribe garb after their stint with green in the earth kingdom. The blue top hung loose over the binder, and the canvas was visible in the low cut arm holes of the men’s style top. But Korra didn’t care. It was the city and they were going out with Asami. Not. Going out going out. Just going out. They internally groaned, were mental gymnastics and chastising themself going to be part of the script now? They frowned as the sudden wave of sadness hit them that all their confusion would be so funny to Kyoshi right about now. </p><p>“You okay?” Asami asked, noticing Korra’s face. </p><p>“Yeah, just had a thought Kyoshi would have thought was funny. Which made me sad, you know the drill,” Korra said. </p><p>Asami nodded, she did know the drill. Korra had written so many stories about their past lives into letters. And Asami had saved them all - sensing they would mean a lot to both Korra and the world some day, but for today all she had the mental capacity for was to ask, “She’s the gay one right?” </p><p>Korra laughed, “Bi technically. And I think she might want to be known for some of the other things she did.” Korra laughed louder then. </p><p>“What?” Asami asked. </p><p>“I think actually being known as the gay one might have suited her just fine. Did you know she was the first person to ever tell me a sex joke? I asked her what she liked doing and she told me Rangi,” Korra said. </p><p>Asami chuckled, a slight flush creeping up her neck, “Not the most scandalous joke,” she said. </p><p>“I didn’t really talk to people though. It was a scandal for me,” Korra said lightly. They enjoyed talking about their past lives like this and with Asami. It made them feel more real, like their past lives had existed and the part of their life that they had touched still mattered. </p><p>“C’mon, let’s head out, where was it you wanted to go anyway?” Korra asked. </p><p>Asami shrugged and led Korra through the temple and back to the ferry. They spent a leisurely afternoon and evening together. Asami showed Korra the bookshop where she had been special ordering books with topics of gender diversity for them. The owner greeted Asami with enthusiasm and then showed them a new section of the store where they were setting up an LGBTQ+ shelf full of both textbooks and fiction. Korra grinned at Asami while she talked to the bookseller. Asami seemed just as surprised as Korra that there was a whole section now. And Korra heard enough of the conversation to gather that the bookseller had wanted to build the section for a while but it was Asami coming back to order more and more books that made them see there was a real need, and that the best way to make Republic City a place with a vibrant queer community was to make it accessible. Korra felt so cared for knowing that this whole space existed because Asami cared about them and people like them. Korra wasn’t sure if Asami had meant it to go this far, or if she had just been trying to understand Korra and what they needed to get better but it didn’t matter. Asami had made this space a possibility and Korra loved her for it. </p><p>They walked through an open air market and split a bag of fire flakes. Asami could have eaten Korra under the table when it came to spice. Korra was practically breathing fire after a single handful while Asami laughed and threw back more and more. Someday Korra thought, they would take Asami out for water tribe noodles and they would see who was laughing then. </p><p>Asami pointed out the road changes that she had had to make to the city. Korra grinned seeing all the interchanges and on and off ramps that had been described, and doodles into letters. Little did Asami know that Korra had kept all the sketches and diagrams she had sent them assuming, rightly, that some day in the future Asami or the rest of the world would want to have them. </p><p>******</p><p>Jinora was missing. And Korra finally got asked to do something avatar related again. Their name and picture, new hair, binder on, was in the papers. Several even used the right pronouns. Korra didn’t know how they knew but they didn’t care. It made it easier to not have to ignore themself. They were excited to have a job, even if they still woke up feeling like being the avatar was a life sentence instead of a career. </p><p>They had to see Zaheer - who was serving his own life sentence. They stood in his underground cell and realized that they had something in their life. They did have choices, freedoms and room to grow. Zaheer had nothing real. Just his time in the spirit world. And even there he wasn’t real. He was the most free air bender in the whole world - could fly because he had released his earthly tethers and yet he was chained down. </p><p>The irony was not lost on Korra. Just as the many ironies of their own life had not been lost on them. </p><p>Zaheer was frank, a villain yes, but clear in his intentions. Korra allowed themself to face down their own demons with his guidance. And finally felt prepared to face Kuvira. A job is a job is a job they told themself as they marched out of the prison. </p><p>But also a duty and a choice they thought. And today they were choosing to find Jinora. </p><p>And so they did. </p><p>******</p><p>Bolin returned, his uniform in tatters but his lava bending much improved. </p><p>He hugged Korra, smiled at them, and held them in a way that made every fiber of their being ache for having not written back to him. Here was a bulky earth bender who was actually the softest person Korra knew and they couldn’t believe that they had pushed him away too. </p><p>His green eyes crinkled when Korra talked, he let them explain everything and he just said he loved them, and then launched into all the intel he and Varrick had on Kuvira. </p><p>Which made Korra hit themself in the face and demand “Why didn’t you lead with that?”</p><p>“Your stuff seemed important,” Bolin said with a shrug as he reclined back on a chair, stomach growling, but seeming very much relieved to be home. </p><p>“Dinner and a shower next?” Korra asked with a smile. </p><p>Bolin nodded, “Actually if there’s any food around that I could eat in the shower that would really be ideal.”</p><p>******<br/>Kuvira marched into Republic City. The mech suit put the work of Future Industries to shame. Korra felt ready for this though - they just wished they could have asked Aang about his choice to build Republic City. </p><p>They’d have to read a book later. Or interview Zuko, someone who still deeply intimidated them despite all the similarities Katara had spent their whole life laying out for them. </p><p>Korra did their best, in new and different ways. Fighting Kuvira was different, it was equal, and Korra knew their purpose. They knew what side they were on, and they understood the corruption Kuvira stood against. It was their place to stop both Kuvira and the fissures in the Earth Kingdom. </p><p>This peace and balance made it easy to decide to save Kuvira. It made it easy to fight. It made everything easy, even as sweat was running down their face Korra felt relieved. They were doing what they were supposed to do. They were who they were meant to be. </p><p>They didn’t mean to install a new spirit portal in Republic City. But they knew it wasn’t anything that Asami couldn’t work with. Defeating Kuvira felt like a conclusion, it felt natural and it felt like Korra was finally doing the job of Avatar and doing it correctly. </p><p>All that peace was brought crashing down when Asami fell into their arms crying, officially an orphan at only 22 years old. Asami apologized for being a wreck but Korra let her cry, all the spirits in the world knew that Korra had cried for less on Asami over the years. </p><p>******</p><p>Korra stood on the edge of their closet. Zhu Li and Varrick’s wedding was just an hour away. But they couldn’t make a choice about their clothes. </p><p>There was a soft knock at the door. “Can I come in?” Asami asked from the other side. </p><p>“Always,” Korra replied. </p><p>Asami stepped in looking soft, beautiful, and her eyes held Korra’s. “You know I’m going to keep knocking right?”</p><p>“And you know I’m going to keep telling you to come in, right?”</p><p>Asami smiled. And then really looked at Korra. “You’re not dressed,” she stated. </p><p>“All my formal clothes look wrong,” Korra said with a sigh. Taking a pause from staring at their clothes to consider Asami’s. Asami stood near the re-closed door of their bedroom wearing a long, sleek red dress. Her hair was done. Her make up was done. She looked like the sort of person you wanted in attendance at your wedding whether you knew her or not. Her presence was enough to class up the joint. And no matter what Korra chose their presence would do the opposite. </p><p>Asami considered, “You don’t have any solid pants and shirts that go together?”</p><p>Korra sighed, “That feels too easy. It’s Varrick. You know?”</p><p>Asami laughed. “So what? You’re the fucking Avatar.” </p><p>Korra laughed too, “Yeah. And I’m a disaster.” </p><p>“In all the best ways,” Asami said smiling. </p><p>Korra had missed this. The banter. The way Asami never let them stay down on themself for too long. They smiled and groaned as they grabbed a pair of light blue slacks, one of the only pairs that actually fit their slimmer form. They pulled them on over their shorts, and slid on a pair of easy shoes. At least something seemed the same. </p><p>“So you’re just gonna go in your binder and pants then?” Asami asked. </p><p>“No. Of course not. I’m not that much of a disaster,” Korra sighed. They reached out for a dark blue wrap top with a white edge. They pulled it on and Asami crossed the room easily to help fasten the shirt. It hung loosely around Korra, and draped to their mid thigh. </p><p>Korra stepped away from Asami and looked in the mirror. “It’s not quite right,” they said slowly. </p><p>“Did I miss a button?” Asami asked, shifting back to hover behind Korra. </p><p>“No no. Not that. I just. Nonbinary feels so right. And this looks. This looks like I’m trying to be a guy. And I’m not. I just want to be,” Korra said gesturing at nothing in particular. </p><p>Asami nodded and suggested, “You could accessorize.”</p><p>Korra grinned and nodded, “Yes. That’s it.” They reached into a box and removed a long necklace and put it on. It fell to their ribcage, light tassels swaying. </p><p>“Will you help me with these?” Korra asked, as they held out armbands to Asami. </p><p>Asami nodded and slid the bands easily up to Korra’s biceps and secured them. Korra turned to the mirror trying to see themself and consider the mix of clothes. They were so interested in perfecting the clothes that they almost didn’t notice the way Asami’s hands lingered on their arms. </p><p>“Yes. This is right,” Korra said, flexing lightly and tilting their head at their reflection. “Let’s roll.” </p><p>The wedding wasn’t the most exciting thing, but it was nice to be included. It was nice to be surrounded by people who knew them. And Korra settled into the realization that they knew what they needed to do. After several dances, dinner, and cake they pulled Asami away from everyone else and sitting on the bank of the bay they apologized for how long they were away, they apologized for everything they could think of. But mostly for all the ways they had ever been selfish. </p><p>Asami accepted the apology but, while holding Korra’s hands in hers told them that there was nothing to apologize for. And then the words that Korra found most surprising followed. “Katara told me it’s hard to care for the avatar. We’ve been writing too,” Asami said. </p><p>Korra blinked, “Really?” </p><p>Asami laughed, “Yes really. She’s very nice you know.”</p><p>Korra smacked Asami playfully. “Yes of course I know. She taught me nearly everything I know.” </p><p>Asami smiled and said “I know.” </p><p>“We should take a break. A vacation. Just us,” Korra said suddenly. </p><p>Asami stared at them. “Seriously?” She asked. </p><p>Korra nodded. “The world can be okay without me for a while. I need to actually take care of me. And I want to take care of you too.”</p><p>A slight blush crept up from Asami’s collarbone to her neck. “Where did you want to go?”</p><p>“Anywhere you want to,” Korra said earnestly, and they reached up to push their shaggy hair behind their ears. They wanted to see every way that Asami reacted to their suggestions. </p><p>“I’ve always wanted to see the spirit world,” Asami said slowly. </p><p>“That sounds wonderful to me,” Korra said. “This is why I blasted that portal into our city. Easy vacation access.” </p><p>Asami laughed and leaned her head on Korra’s shoulder. Korra stiffened but didn’t lean away. It was nice to be close to Asami. It was nice to feel forgiven, and to feel like the future was theirs to claim.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. After it all</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Again - I haven't read the comics - so this gets very canon divergent - starts in the spirit world and we FINALLY get Korra and Asami together - literally I can't even bring myself to write angst about them. I just love them so much. </p><p>The ~ soft sex ~ I promised is in the 4th section of this chapter - it edges on explicit (honestly I don't fully know the difference between an M and an E rating) but it isn't crucial to the plot so you can totally skip that section if you want to! (I just think nonbinary people having safe and affirming sex is important - so this is my contribution)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>******</p><p>Korra and Asami packed lightly for the spirit world. Korra was treating the whole adventure like a camping trip and they were jazzed to finally have a break. They walked through the portal hand in hand with Asami leaving the world that made them, that they were in the process of remaking, behind.</p><p>Korra showed Asami all the most important sights, the places where one shouldn’t go, and all the amazing creatures and spirits. But mostly they just walked. The spirit world knew what they were looking for and surrounded them with calm, small rabbit-like spirits that frolicked, flowers tall enough to climb. A gentle river that seemed to always guide them and seemed the perfect place to pitch their tent.</p><p>Korra had always wondered why the spirit world didn’t change their body to how they felt it was supposed to be. But here, with Asami beside them, they felt okay with that for the first time. Okay with everything about themself because this was the body they got to experience this in. And they wouldn’t have traded that for anything.</p><p>Korra was laying on top of their sleeping bag, eyes closed, but very much awake when Asami took a leap that honestly, they hadn’t been sure would ever come.</p><p>“Korra,” Asami said softly, testing to see if they were awake.</p><p>Korra slowly opened their eyes and rolled onto their side to face Asami who was laying on her back, but looking at Korra, “Yeah?” Korra said.</p><p>“Um,” Asami started, “Is Mako the only person you’ve ever liked?”</p><p>Korra flushed, their heart raced and they said, “No, not exactly,” before they regretted it. Knowing that the only answer to who else they had a crush on was Asami.</p><p>Asami nodded and took a deep breath, “Do you only like, y’know, boys?” Asami asked, and Korra noted that she had blushed scarlet around her ears.</p><p>Korra almost laughed, but they held it together, knowing that Asami was being vulnerable. “Nah. I’m pretty sure I can like anyone,” Korra said trying to keep their tone casual.</p><p>Asami nodded slowly. And then she looked up at the roof of the tent and took a deep breath. “Me too,” she said, “and, um, I kinda want to thank you.”</p><p>“For what?” Korra asked, their heart beating a fierce staccato against their ribs.</p><p>“For teaching me about myself,” Asami said gently, “I never would have thought about any of this if you weren’t my best friend.” Asami took a long breath and then pushed on, “And all those books that I got and read and sent you. I figured out who I was reading. And at that book shop.”</p><p>Korra smiled, their heart slowing down, and they said, “You’re welcome, but honestly I think you could have done all of that without me.”</p><p>“But I didn’t. I did it because of you. And I’m happier now. Knowing all this about myself,” Asami said.</p><p>“Yeah, it is better,” Korra agreed. “I can say the same thank you to you though. You listened when I was falling apart. And those books, they helped me too. All the way back to the first one. The one in ZaoFu.”</p><p>Asami rolled to her side, and the way she was looking at Korra changed, “I’m so glad.” And she paused, “Also it wasn’t just the books.”</p><p>Korra’s heart started pounding again, “What else was it?”</p><p>Asami held Korra’s eyes, green locked on piercing blue. And Korra was certain they knew where this was going but a small part of them just couldn’t stand to hope. And then Asami said, “Because I fell for you.”</p><p>Korra almost laughed in relief, but instead they just let their breath leave them in a contented sigh.</p><p>Asami arched an eyebrow at the noise, and waited for Korra to do or say something.</p><p>Korra felt lighter than air, but not so much so that they could float. They reached out a hand to catch Asami’s and managed to say, “I fell for you too. Hard.”</p><p>Asami’s eyebrow fell, and she grinned before biting her lip and saying, “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes, 1000 times yes,” Korra said, and they were about to explain more, how Asami had always been so respectful, how she had taken every question about gender in stride, how she had adapted to Korra’s new pronouns, and of course there were other things Korra was going to tell her too - how her hair fell so softly against Korra’s face when they hugged, how safe she made them feel just by merit of being taller, how much Korra liked when she raised a single eyebrow, or bit her lip.</p><p>But Korra didn’t get a chance in the tent to say any of that. Asami had leaned across the space between them and she paused centimeters from Korra, “Can I?” she asked, her lips remained parted as she awaited an answer.</p><p>Korra nodded thickly, unsure of how or why this felt so new, and so different but damn did they want it.</p><p>Asami closed the centimeters between them slowly and pressed her lips to Korra’s. Korra felt themself melt instantly at the touch. Their whole life they’d been trying to be a solid, to cram themself into some type of box and they’d spent the past few years taking themself out of the box. This was it, the final moment when they fell into themself. And they were happy. They kissed Asami back, gently at first. Wanting to show her exactly how much they cared. But they were also eager, excited, and so so relieved. Everything about kissing Asami felt like being home. And so lying on the ground of a tent in the spirit world Korra finally knew what it meant to have a crush. What it meant to feel loved. To be loved. And that they wanted this to never end.</p><p>They slipped a hand under Asami’s shirt and pulled her closer. She pressed herself against Korra eagerly as soon as she was invited. Korra marveled at how their bodies aligned, how soft Asami’s lips were, and how insistent her tongue was. Korra grinned against Asami’s lips knowing it would be a while before they fell asleep that night.</p><p>Age 22</p><p>When Korra turned 22 they invited everyone they knew. It was the party they had always wanted but never gotten to have before. Between battles and growing up alone birthdays were never a big production. But they mentioned this to Asami once. In passing. And she decided this was the year all that changed.</p><p>Bolin, Mako, Wu were all obvious invites.</p><p>The airbending family was also obviously in attendance.</p><p>And everyone else was a Beifong.</p><p>And still it was the happiest Korra could remember being. So many people who knew and liked them, who used their pronouns, who grinned as they held hands with Asami. Who came with presents - water tribe food, rare meditation artifacts, queer books. All of it just cemented for them the fact that these people knew them, truly, and that they listened when Korra spoke. And they felt so loved.</p><p>Korra found themself sitting on a bench outside the Air Temple, which was still their home, leaning close into a conversation with Huan. Asami was still making the rounds making sure that everyone else was having a birthday party worthy time.</p><p>“Did you know?” Korra asked Huan.</p><p>“Know what?” They replied perplexed.</p><p>“Know that I was nonbinary when I was staying in ZaoFu?” Korra asked.</p><p>“How could I have? If you didn’t yet,” Huan said diplomatically.</p><p>Korra laughed, “But did you suspect?”</p><p>Huan rolled their eyes, “Honestly, not really. I thought you and Asami were together. But you’re the avatar. There’s something so unknowable about being you. And so I thought that with all the knowledge of generations you would already know so much about yourself.”</p><p>Korra laughed again, harder this time, “Yeah my past lives left a lot up for my interpretation.”</p><p>Huan smiled, “I see that now.”</p><p>“I’m glad to have a nonbinary friend,” Korra said and placed their hand on Huan’s thigh.</p><p>“Me too,” Huan said, putting their hand on top of Korra’s.</p><p>“Really? In ZaoFu you don’t have a whole army of enbies?” Korra asked.</p><p>“I wish,” Huan said with a smile, “We might be crushing it at progressive lit, but it’s still a bit hard to be confident enough to be yourself. Mom got me a decent gender therapist. But ze hardly counts as a friend.”</p><p>“What do you talk about with zir? If it’s okay to ask,” Korra said.</p><p>“Life, I guess. And if I want any surgeries or anything and what my dysphoria is like,” Huan said.</p><p>“Do you? Want surgeries I mean?” Korra asked, “I know it’s personal and I’m not supposed to ask. But like - I don’t have anyone else to talk to who gets it. And looking at medical textbooks isn’t really enough information,” they added so as not to make Huan feel uncomfy.</p><p>But Huan just chuckled. “Korra, I’m pretty sure it’s just cis people who aren’t supposed to ask us about surgeries. Because THAT’S nosy. But I actually don’t think I want any surgeries. Maybe hormones though. That’s what my therapist and I talk about. How about you?”</p><p>Korra shrugged, “I think about top surgery a lot. I bind all the damn time. So that seems obvious. But I’m on the fence about hormones.”</p><p>Huan smiled, “So you’ve been looking at surgical boob drawings? Does Asami know?”</p><p>Korra swatted them playfully, “Pal, you know it’s not like that. And anyway it’s not her boobs I’m trying to get rid of.”</p><p>Huan laughed, “Okay, okay - we’re approaching TMI here, bud.”</p><p>Korra smiled and leaned on Huan as the conversation shifted to Huan’s art, and the conceptual work they were doing and commissions they were hoping to receive. As the night wound down Asami came to find them and Korra hugged Huan goodbye before leading Asami off to their room to both thoroughly thank her for the party and to share with some certainty that Korra would probably like to have top surgery some day. Maybe someday soon.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra needed a therapist. No one argued with them when they started bringing it up. But no one really knew how to find one. Surprisingly it was the bookstore that eventually gave Korra a lead. The LGBTQ section of the store had grown, and the bookseller had begun keeping an OutList.</p><p>The first session Korra had was weird. They were uncomfortable the whole time. But their therapist was now the third person in their life to only ever know them as nonbinary . Wu had been the second. Toph the first.</p><p>Korra thought they would talk about gender. They thought they would chase the things Huan had told them about - like gender affirming surgery. But it quickly became apparent that the trauma they carried around the loss of their past lives needed to come out first. They started at the beginning and they just kept talking.</p><p>Months later Korra’s therapist suggested they write letters to their past selves. And maybe even to their future selves. And so Korra started writing. They began with themself. Who they were at every age and what their past lives meant to them. It was cathartic to put both so much love and so much angst onto paper. Asami came home to find them hunched over a notebook most nights but she never asked. Just smiled, and offered a gentle back massage when Korra seemed tense.</p><p>Korra was beginning to forgive themself their life. They were beginning to feel whole, and feel their progress from who they were as a plurality of avatars into a singular being, into someone who must make their own choices and be their own person. For the first time they felt okay with it. It felt doable in ways that it never did before.</p><p>******</p><p>Korra watched the airbending family board a ferry to mainland republic city. And they breathed a huge sigh of relief. They were going to see a play or something - Korra hadn’t really been listening when Tenzin had explained. Korra was much more focused on the fact that they finally had their bedroom to themself. More specifically they and Asami finally had their bedroom to themselves. And not for the first time Korra found themself daydreaming of when they and Asami could get their own place.</p><p>Korra practically bounced down the hallway to their own bedroom where they had left Asami reading when they had gone to see the airbenders off. They opened the door without thinking, planning to leap onto the bed or something equally ridiculous but their breath caught as soon as their eyes fell on Asami.</p><p>Asami had changed clothes while they were away, into something that looked less comfortable and more revealing. Asami looked up at Korra and smirked as soon as she noted the reaction Korra was having.</p><p>“Well close the door then,” Asami said, a slight lift of her eyebrows.</p><p>“Do I even need to? No one else is here,” Korra said trying to be suggestive.</p><p>“Oh my god. Yes you need to close the door!” Asami said, throwing a pillow off the bed at Korra and wrapping her cover up tightly around herself as she glared.</p><p>Korra laughed and closed the door quickly. “Sorry, sorry,” they said as they hurried to join Asami on the bed.</p><p>Asami laughed and let her cover up fall open again, revealing dark and lacy underclothes.</p><p>“I didn’t know it was a dressing up sort of evening,” Korra said with a smile and a long look at Asami.</p><p>Asami smiled, and caught Korra’s chin with a single finger and lifted their eyes to hers. “You always look great babe.”</p><p>Korra held Asami’s eyes, “Still, I like to dress up for you as well.”</p><p>“What if I just undress you instead?” Asami asked lightly.</p><p>Korra bit their lip, and nodded. They guided Asami’s hands to the edge of their light blue tank top. And Asami caught the edge and easily guided it over their head and tossed it aside.</p><p>Korra stood in their room, as they had done a hundred times, before Asami in nothing but a navy half tank binder and their low slung pants. And Asami was looking at them like they were gorgeous. Asami was always looking at them like that, and they would never, ever get enough of it.</p><p>Asami leaned down to kiss them softly, hands gentle on the muscles of their back, and settling onto their hips. Korra kissed her back, contentedly exhaling into Asami’s mouth. Asami chuckled lightly and then kissed harder. Korra let out a slight moan and then pulled back.</p><p>Asami looked at them, a question mark clear on her face. Korra answered the unasked question, “Help me out of the binder before we lay down?”</p><p>“Of course,” Asami said and she grabbed the stiff hem of the navy cloth on either side of Korra and lifted as Korra wiggled and backed up. It was about the least sexy thing Korra could imagine, and still they felt so comfortable doing this with Asami that they didn’t care anymore.</p><p>Asami tossed the binder to the floor where it joined the tank top and Korra playfully tackled Asami onto their bed. Asami smiled, holding Korra’s eyes with hers, her hands firmly on their back.</p><p>Korra laughed, “Asami, we’ve been through this a million times. You may look at and touch my chest.”</p><p>Asami sucked her lips into her mouth, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“I’ll tell you if you ever do, promise,” Korra said softly leaning down to kiss Asami lightly. Asami smiled against Korra’s lips and then kissed them harder.</p><p>Korra slid their legs easily onto the bed so they were straddling Asami on the bed. Their hands ran eagerly down her body, and playfully tugged at her various undergarments. “At least take off the cover?” Korra asked breathily in Asami’s ear.</p><p>“Someone’s a bit eager,” Asami teased back her teeth on Korra’s neck and her hands finding their way roughly to their chest.</p><p>Korra leaned into Asami’s hands and let their yes wash over Asami as a noise caught between a moan and the word.</p><p>Asami pulled back ever so slightly, her eyes wide and dark as she easily slipped the cover off and dropped it off the edge of the bed. Korra let their eyes rake hungrily over Asami’s body before settling on Asami’s eyes where their hunger was mirrored.</p><p>Asami leaned up for a hungry kiss pulling Korra back on top of herself, tracing her fingers lightly around the waistband of Korra’s pants. Korra’s hips rocked lightly against Asami’s legs and Asami chuckled against Korra’s lips and copied the movement. Korra grinned against Asami’s lips. Nothing they had ever done with anyone else felt this right. They had never been seen like this before. No matter where Asami touched them it felt like their body. It felt like Asami knew exactly how they wanted to be appreciated. And even though they knew that wasn’t true it was the fact that Asami always asked. That Asami wanted Korra to feel safe, to feel like themself. Asami would never try to convince Korra that their body was perfect. Asami would only ever tell Korra that they were lovely. That she wanted them to be happy in their own skin. And remembering this more than anything else was what led to Korra sliding their pants off, and pulling Asami onto them, long black hair falling against their face and Asami kept the eagerness and heat of her kisses going.</p><p>Once Asami was on top Korra was quick to get her bra off and toss it aside. Korra kept their hands eager on Asami’s breasts, pressed close to their body it was hard, but Korra found hard nipples and squeezed. Asami moaned into their mouth and Korra’s breath caught in surprise. It always caught when Asami let go and moaned like that. And Korra was always surprised and so aroused by being able to work Asami up like that. And they squeezed again, and were rewarded with another low moan.</p><p>Asami’s hips rocked freely now that she was on top. Korra slid a hand away from Asami’s chest to hold her hips as they rocked, feeling nothing but thin fabric between their hand and Asami’s skin. They inhaled through their nose and then bit Asami’s lip lightly and pulled back with her lip still between their teeth. Asami followed the tug down, and then kissed her way slowly down Korra’s neck, to their chest dragging her teeth slowly, and trailing quick bites and kisses. Korra moaned in earnest when Asami got to their nipple and took it into her mouth to gently suck and bite.</p><p>Asami lifted her head slightly to meet Korra’s eyes and murmured, “Damn I like having the whole island to ourselves.”</p><p>“Why?” Korra asked, the light air of teasing clear in their still husky voice.</p><p>Asami lifted an eyebrow and slowly slid a hand between Korra’s legs, outside the underwear they still had on. “Because,” Asami said with her hand pressed against Korra, and slowly sliding back and forth against them, “I like how loud you are when there’s no one to over hear you.”</p><p>Korra punctuated Asami’s sentiment with a loud moan and rocked against Asami’s hand before saying, “You know, I’d be louder if you took my underwear off.”</p><p>Asami smirked and said, “I know.” But instead of removing Korra’s underwear she shimmied out of her own, pressing herself against Korra so Korra could feel just how wet their girlfriend was on their thigh.</p><p>“Holy hell,” Korra muttered, unable to stop themself.</p><p>“What?” Asami said, eyebrows arched and her hips rocking hard against Korra.</p><p>“Damn ‘Sami,” Korra managed before Asami leaned down for an eager, hungry kiss. “Can I,” Korra started between kisses. Their hand inched down Asami’s body, and paused at her hips, “touch you?” Korra finished.</p><p>“I thought you’d never ask,” Asami said, tossing her hair.</p><p>Korra rolled their eyes, “I always ask, you know that.”</p><p>“Yes babe, I know, and I love you for it,” Asami said, earnestness back in her eyes as she held Korra’s gaze. Then Asami broke the moment and said, “Please, by all means though. Fuck me.”</p><p>And Korra laughed out loud for the split second before their hand was snaking between themself and Asami. Their fingers eager against any part of Asami they could reach. And their own wetness grew exponentially as they found Asami’s clit with practiced fingers and Asami threw back her head and moaned.</p><p>Korra rocked their hips against Asami’s leg as they stroked her. Asami slid her hand to the outside of Korra’s underwear, giving Korra something to move against. As Korra slipped a single finger into Asami they locked eyes with their girlfriend and said, “Just take my damn underwear off would you?”</p><p>Asami chuckled, and slid lightly off of Korra’s finger and hand and down so that she could caress Korra’s abs, hold their hips, and then roll their underwear off of them with two hands, one on either hip. On her way back up Asami planted gentle kisses on the inside of Korra’s thighs, abs, chest and then finally on their lips and Asami’s fingers trailed gently up Korra’s thigh.</p><p>Korra kissed Asami eagerly, their tongue met Asami’s and their kisses became open mouthed and ragged as Korra’s hand found its way back between Asami’s legs. Korra slid two fingers into Asami easily and kept their thumb on her clit. Asami dragged her fingers slowly through Korra’s folds and Korra couldn’t help the moan that escaped them. As Asami found their clit and applied gentle pressure Korra hummed in pleasure arching the fingers they had inside Asami towards her front. Which had Asami gasping into their mouth. Asami picked up her speed until she had Korra bucking against her hand and begging her to go faster. Soon they were both moaning louder and louder until they settled onto each other sweaty, sticky, and content.</p><p>“God Asami,” Korra said, laying flat on their back arms behind their head.</p><p>Asami snuggled against their side. Her head pressed against their chest and shoulder. “What Korra?” She asked earnestly.</p><p>“How do you do it?” Korra asked.</p><p>“Get you off?” Asami asked, “It's pretty easy actually, you seem to like this motion,” Asami held up a hand to demonstrate and Korra smacked it away.</p><p>“No not that. God no. I know how you do that,” they said, warmth creeping up their neck, “How do you make me feel - so me - even when I’m stripped down to nothing? How do you look at me and so definitively NOT see a woman that I can see myself as something else too?”</p><p>Asami shrugged, “Dunno. I just see you. And you’re damn sexy. It’s easy to see you.”</p><p>Korra chuckled, “There’s definitely more to it than that.”</p><p>Asami laughed lightly, “I don’t know that there has to be though. You trust me, and I see you. And that helps you see you. Seems straightforward enough to me.”</p><p>“Oh honey, there’s nothing straight about this,” Korra said playfully and Asami groaned.</p><p>“Ready to put on pajamas?” Korra asked.</p><p>“Do we have to?” Asami asked, pressing herself against Korra as though trying to clearly illustrate the benefits of sleeping naked.</p><p>Korra groaned, “Yes we have to. This is still a temple. And there are literal children who sometimes jump into my bed to tell me it’s time for breakfast.”</p><p>“Oh. Them.”</p><p>“Yes them. They’re great and I love them. But,” Korra trailed off and kissed Asami’s forehead.</p><p>“Let’s cuddle a bit longer before pajamas,” Asami said as she wiggled happily in response to the forehead kiss.</p><p>Korra nodded, but before they knew it they had drifted off to sleep, skin to skin with all of Asami and their singular spirit rumbling contentedly to be so well loved.</p><p>******</p><p>“The haircut looks great, Korra!” Bolin said as he rubbed the side of their newly shaved head.</p><p>“Thanks,” they said with a smile. “It was time for a proper haircut. I was tired of having to explain that I cut my own hair the first time.” Korra reached up and fluffed the longer part on top of their head.</p><p>“Yeah yeah, Korra looks great, were we gonna go see this mover or what?” Mako said with an eye roll.</p><p>“Hey, my partner does look great, thank you very much,” Asami said.</p><p>Mako blushed. “I clearly agree with you. I dated them too. Remember?”</p><p>“Trying to forget actually,” Korra said, taking Asami’s hand.</p><p>“Wow. Harsh,” Bolin said. Korra shrugged it off.</p><p>“So. The mover?” Mako said awkwardly.</p><p>The others nodded and they left the park to head towards one of the new theaters downtown. Korra and Asami held hands and walked side by side, occasionally bumping hips and leaning onto each other.</p><p>Bolin kept shooting them knowing looks and Mako kept his eyes straight ahead.</p><p>They each paid for their own tickets when they arrived, but Asami insisted on buying them all overpriced popcorn. Korra kept their arm looped easily over Asami’s shoulder throughout the mover. Bolin tried to copy them and do the same thing to Mako. Mako punched him in the gut when he tried and almost lost them their shared popcorn bucket.</p><p>It still wasn’t perfect with Mako and Bolin. But it was better and easier than Korra had ever thought it could be. The fact that both boys were here. Were consistently using their new pronouns. Respected them and Asami as a couple. It all made Korra’s heart feel light. It made them feel like everything they had gone through to survive had been worth it. That the future they were going to have existed, it would be theirs. And they would have friends. It made them squeeze Asami closer and Asami reached up to ruffle their newly shaved hair.</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p>Korra knew what they were doing was super extra, but here they were anyway. They reached out a finger to push the bronze doorbell of the Sato estate’s front door. Korra knew they were always welcome here but they were being goofy, and they liked the idea of Asami opening the door and getting to launch right into their spiel.</p><p>Their wish came true moments later when Asami opened the tall door and stared at them, confusion evident in her green eyes. “Yeah?” She asked.</p><p>“So I’ve been thinking about how I know I’m nonbinary,” Korra said, grinning, thinking back over the years and trying to hold back a laugh.</p><p>“Oh wow. That one’s been taking you a while hasn’t it?” Asami asked clearly on the same page as Korra.</p><p>“Only my whole life,” Korra said. They stuck their tongue out and Asami laughed.</p><p>“Okay okay, what did you realize babe?” Asami asked.</p><p>Korra heart skipped when Asami called them babe, but their brain kept them on track, “I know I’m nonbinary because I’ve always been. My whole life I’ve been trying to put my finger on the thing that’s missing and when I finally realized nothing was missing I just don’t fit in a rigid and binary understanding of gender, of people, of relationships, of anything I felt right. I felt immediately right. I should have been wrecked after everything with Zaheer. And I was. But I had an identity to hold onto and a life I wanted to live. And I knew nonbinary was the right label because it was the thing that I hung onto. I was finally going to be somebody. And now I’m becoming somebody, and, Asami, we’re gonna have a future. And I’m so excited for it. So I know. For sure. I’m nonbinary. And it suits me.”</p><p>Asami was grinning at Korra from her front door. She didn’t say anything just reached out a hand that Korra took. Asami pulled them close and kissed their forehead. She whispered, “I love you, Korra.”</p><p>“I love you too Asami,” Korra said through a smile, and into Asami’s chest.</p><p>“Well, were you gonna come in or not?” Asami asked, gesturing with her head to the house.</p><p>Korra nodded and followed their girlfriend into the house and down to her workroom.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This one is super quick - but my heart needed it</p><p>I know I posted this all in one day, so I can't really thank anyone for their comments yet - but I am excited to hear what you all thought. Taking the plunge and publishing something so close to my heart was so scary but I wanted it to exist in the world for anyone else who needed to read it the way I needed to write it. :)</p>
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    <p>Korra sat on the dock of Air Temple island, they were wearing the least clothes they felt comfortable being in outside of their bedroom. Their navy binder was cropped and their abs exposed, their legs partially covered by dark shorts, with a light belt.. Their feet swung through the dark water. Asami sat beside them wearing a bikini that Korra would have called scandalous in most contexts, but the two of them were alone and no one should be disturbing them this evening.</p><p>Asami stroked the back of Korra’s hand absently as she held it. The sun was setting over the open ocean, the sun’s reflection bright on Korra’s face. They felt at peace, in their own space. It had been a wonderful year of falling into themself, and being the avatar, with also no major world saving missions. </p><p>Asami leaned her head on Korra’s bare shoulder and her long hair fell down Korra’s chest. </p><p>“I think I’m ready,” Korra said lightly, squinting against the bright light and heat of the sunset.</p><p>“For?” Asami asked softly. </p><p>“To get our own place,” Korra said. </p><p>Asami smiled, “Yeah?” she asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Korra said, “I have enough allowance, and I’ve been working some odd jobs at the bookstore. We don’t need anything fancy. But I want our own place.”</p><p>“You’re tired of hearing Meelo fart? Every hour of every day?” Asami said, chuckling.</p><p>“I am in fact, very tired of that,” Korra said, “But also I want to wake up with you, every day. I want to go to bed with you every night. I want to have a place that is ours. I want to be able to be myself in every room of where I live. To feel seen and unseen in all the right ways. I want to have the safety I always feel with you attached to a place that I can call our own,” they finished.</p><p>“Babe, you don’t have to convince me,” Asami said.</p><p>“You want to?” Korra asked.</p><p>“Live with you?” Asami asked, “Very much. I want nothing more than to build a space that is ours together instead of yours or mine. I would love to make space with you, and give you the sort of home that feels like a landing place when you finally feel ready for surgery. I would love to have a home that is mine, untouched by my family legacy, and I want that home to be with you, and Naga of course.”</p><p>Korra grinned, earnestly, and turned to face Asami, light blue eyes locking on green. “That sounds perfect.”</p><p>“I want it to be that,” Asami said. And then she leaned down to warmly kiss Korra. Korra felt themself relax and lean toward Asami. Their bodies pressed together, and their lips stayed locked. Asami’s hands were holding tightly to Korra’s arms, and Korra’s hands laid idly in Asami’s lap. </p><p>Korra broke the kiss with a deep breath and turned back to the ocean. “I’m ready for the rest of our lives ‘Sami.”</p><p>“I’m ready too, Korra,” Asami said with a smile. </p><p>Korra took their turn to lay their head, sides still shaved and slightly prickly on Asami’s shoulder. Asami wound an arm around Korra and pulled them closer. </p><p>“When can we start looking?” Korra asked.</p><p>“Tomorrow if you’re free,” Asami said with a laugh.</p><p>“I’m serious,” Korra said, squeezing Asami’s side.</p><p>“So am I,” Asami said. </p><p>Korra’s heart leapt. Everything Asami said, everything she did. They couldn’t get enough of it and they didn’t want to get enough. They wanted to spend the rest of their life with her, chasing the feeling of excitement and contentment that she brought them. They wanted to be happy being themself and this past year, these past few months, all this time with Asami they had. They were who they were supposed to be. And maybe, finally, if the avatar was at peace the world would be too.</p>
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